Angels Fall First
by Monoceros
Summary: Finished-Harry is back with the Dursleys after the terrible fifth year at Hogwarts, thinking about his past, present and future. At the same time Voldemort is planning a new strike on this troubled kid. How will Harry cope? (angst,torture,harsh language)
1. Chapter 1

A/N All right... now I've waited way too long with uploading this story which i finished after the summer this year. Though I uploaded it to a swedish HP-channel with a good response from those who read it. I hope you who read it here will enjoy it too, going to upload one chapter each day. And the story has 13 chapters, and I'm warning sensitive persons about reading this, harsh language, angsty scenes and actually some torture too.

I'll apologize here for any grammaire problems, wrong spelled words and that stuff, this was my first really serious long story which I managed to finish too.

Oh btw, the characters, world, backgroundstory and probably a lot more belongs to J K Rowling and all the quotes from songs belongs to the groups I've written the names of. Oh and another thing, the name of the story is based on this song I'm quoting here in the beginning, Angels Fall First by the very capable and great finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish whom I've listened to for three years now. There are other groups quoted in the story as well, my tip to you readers is to, if you have the songs, to listen to them when they come in the story. A/N

_An angelface smiles to me  
Under a headline of tragedy  
That smile used to give me warmth  
Farewell - no words to say  
Beside the cross on your grave  
And those forever burning candles _

/From "Angels fall first" by Nightwish

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Rain...

"_This damn rain, have been going on for a week now."_

It was as if the weather could feel what mood Harry was in, or maybe was it Harry's mood which had gone down again to its darkest pits when the rain started. Reminding him of everything. Cedric's body hitting the dark ground besides him, the pain, a small body hitting the bottom of a cauldron, more pain. Sirius' body falling through the veil, himself falling through darkness, darkness and pain.

Now he was here, at the Dursleys as all other summers, but nothing was as before. Nothing would ever be as it was before.

Trelawney's misty figure in Dumbledore's office flashed through his mind again, her voice.

"_Either must die at the hand of the other"_

"_Keep quiet!"_ Harry thought to himself.

It was enough to know that people close to him had died before and people still close to him and alive were always at risk of dying. But to also know that Voldemort would try to reach him for that of all reasons. And to know that death was no escape because then all his friends and many more would die anyway.

He only had two choices as he knew it. Stay alive and see all the people keeping him alive falling one by one until he had discovered how to use this secret power the very same prophecy spoke of and once and for all remove that evil from earth. Or to die and not be the reason why people got killed by Voldemort any longer, but to know that by dying no one else could defeat Voldemort.

Harry felt like he was just a big pawn in a game, who was only given impossible choices and no real control over what he was supposed to do.

Suddenly there was a strong pain in his scar again. Harry was standing in his room watching out through the window and because of this pain he leaned forward pressing his forehead against the cold glass trying to ease it.

Since Voldemort's return had become public knowledge he had still been quiet and hiding. Still weak probably, but there were more disappearences and deaths nowadays and more pain for Harry. And with the pain, feelings. Sometimes happiness, anger and sometimes he felt just content.

This time it was happiness, something had gone right, terribly right. Harry didn't dare to think about what was going to be written in the newspaper tomorrow morning.

A quick glance over to his watch told him that it was already 00.00 and with nothing to do he understood that it was time to go to bed.

While changing clothes into his pajamas he started thinking, trying to remember something funny so he wouldn't have nightmares tonight again. He knew he often woke up screaming but none of the Durlseys dared yelling at him to keep quiet. In case "the wierdoes" from the train station would get here.

He tried this for several nights during the month he's been home now, trying to remember something happy instead of everything dark. Hermione had told him in a letter that he should try this if nightmares were troubling him too much. He had first resented the idea but the occlumency training wouldn't work so he tried this instead. The first week it actually worked. This last week had been harder though thanks to the bad weather.

The memory this time was actually from that same day. When sitting in the kitchen eating lunch this rat ran through the room. Petunia screamed like a pig and jumped up on the chair standing on it. Dudley wasn't able to do anything like that so he instead sneaked out of the room while Vernon chased the rat until it just disappeared in a courner, probably into a hole somewhere.

Now Harry instead let his thoughts wander over to Dudley. He'd been behaving really strange aorund Harry this last month. Probably because of what happened last summer. Maybe he finally understood that Harry actually saved his life. Or was it maybe what he saw that makes him keep a distance from Harry? Or did he still think that it was Harry who attacked him?

While thinking back on that scene with Petunia standing on the chair and Vernon chasing the rat Harry took off his glasses and reached for his glasses case only to find that it wasn't there. Harry quickly put back his glasses and started searching the floor and under the bed around his bedside table but couldn't find it. Sitting back on the bed and putting his glasses on the table he thought that he'd probably pushed it off sometime while putting a book on the table and it slipped into his pile of clothes and books by his trunk.

"_I can searh for it tomorrow instead"_ He thought before lying down and turning of the light to go back to think about pleasent things. But all too soon he fell to sleep.

_He was tied to a big tombstone, infront of him there was a cauldron and a man standing. A tall, thin, bald and pale man. Red eyes and two slits instead of a nose. The man was looking at Harry with a growing grin. The grin of a maniac. He lifted his arm pointing a wand at Harry who couldn't do anything, not even scream. He was tied too tightly and his mouth was held closed by something soft._

"_Crucio" The man said and pain exploded all over Harry's body. In every bone, every muscle, every part of his skin, but worst was his head. Especially his scar, it burned like the hottest fire ever created. But in all the pain he felt a drip of blood coming out of his scar, running down his face to his cheek and suddenly he could scream._

He screamed as loud as he could but suddenly the pain disappeared and he opened his eyes just to see his room flooded with early morning sunshine.

Harry fell back to his bed suddenly realizing that he had been sitting up and breathed hard. There was sweat all over his face and his pajamas was wet by sweat. He also realized that it felt like the torture in that nightmare had lasted for hours.

He understood that this wasn't one of the normal nightmares he usually had, something was going on.

He stood up quickly to get to his desk when he discovered how he was shaking all over by just standing there and suddenly he lost his balance and fell.

Harry stayed lying on the floor. It was so nice there, the sweat was getting dried and the shaking stopped after a while.

The sun rose some more, he didn't know when he woke up or how long he'd been lying there but the Dursleys were going up to get breakfast now. Suddenly he remembered why he was lying there at all and was able to rise again to get over to the desk to write a letter to Dumbledore.

He quickly wrote about the feelings he got yesterday when he scar hurt and about his dream, he even wrote about how it felt like the dream lasted for hours. But he didn't describe how much it actually hurt.

After he'd sent Hedwig on her way Harry got dressed and tried to get in order in the bathroom. He still felt rather shaky.

When he got down into the kitchen to get some breakfast the Dursleys were already there eating. All activity stopped when he entered and they just watched him going in, making some breakfast to himself and sitting down, eating. Apparently he did scream not just in his dream but when he woke up too. After some minutes of silence things went back to normal. Vernon continued to read the newspaper. Dudley who wasn't on a diet any longer ate more than ever. He'd been training all year apparently and was still training during the summer. Looked like he enjoyed boxing.

Harry hadn't heard anything about attacks by Dudley lately, maybe it was because he'd stopped or it was that Harry didn't really care anylonger.

After breakfast he went back up to his room not saying a word and found two owls waiting for him on his bed. One was Hedwig with a letter and the other was from the _Daily Prophet_.

He payed the _Prophet _owl and took the newspaper from him first before getting Dumbledore's letter from Hedwig.

The frontpage had nothing special other than interviews of ministry officials about what they're doing about the new threat and why they stubbornly denied everything for a year, ridiculing Dumbledore and Harry himself. The _Daily Prophet_ finally admitted that Harry was no nutter but they've not admitted yet that it was themselves ridiculing him and Dumbledore.

When he had scanned the frontpage he put up Dumbledore's letter and started reading.

_Dear Harry_

_I am glad you wrote about this concerning matter. I cannot tell you much in this letter but I would like you to come over to Mrs Figg's home this evening at 8.00 pm. That way we can talk more freely. Moody will guard you today and tomorrow so you do not need to worry but still you have to keep your eyes open._

_Sincerely Dumbledore_

Harry snorted quietly for himself. "'_Keep your eyes open' yeah what does he think I've been doing lately except hiding in my room?"_ He thought. Though another part in his brain told him that the meeting at Mrs Figg could be interesting. Dumbledore didn't seem like he wanted to keep anything secret from him anylonger. Not after what happened before this summer.

Actually for just two weeks ago Tonks took off her invisibility cloak in Harry's room to tell him rather vaguely what the Order was up to. But as usual when anyone asked him how he was he still said "I'm fine". What else could he say? How was he supposed to put his feelings into words and explain them to another person. He'd learned all his childhood to keep feelings to himself to avoid getting mocked. But now that wasn't the case, he didn't know what to do anylonger either than to let time drag him forward through the dirt.

After putting down Dumbledore's letter Harry started searching through his pile of clothes and books to find his glasses case. Not that it was something important for him, it'd be easy to conjure a new one when school started. He searched more because he wanted to get something else on his mind.

He didn't find anything until it was dinner except some old quills, he felt both annoyed and happy of this fact. Annoyed because he couldn't even find a simple thing and happy that he was able to do something else than to lie in his bed thinking.

He did eat dinner really slowly before discovering that it was already 7.45 pm. Harry hurried through the house and said shortly to Petunia that he was going over to Mrs Figg's.

It was still rather sunny outside though the sun was getting low in the west. The rain stopped sometime during the night and the forecasters were saying that they could await some weeks of nice weather.

The walk didn't take more than five minutes and he was soon standing on Mrs Figg's doorsteps waiting for someone to open the door. And it wasn't long until he heard some footsteps and the door opening where he saw Mrs Figg's face looking out.

"Oh it's you dear. Come in, come in" she said.

Harry mumbled something in response as he walked through the door and followed Mrs Figg to the living room where he saw Dumbledore sitting. He was patting one of Figg's cats and watching the fire before turning his head to look Harry directly in his eyes. Dumbledore did look older than usual, much like in his office that day in the end of the last term.

"Good evening Harry" he said. "Please take a seat, we have much to talk about."

Not saying a word Harry sat down on the sofa in front of Dumbledore. Dumbedore watched him and Harry noticed how his eyes got the old look back, suddenly he didn't look as old as he used to.

"Harry" Dumbledore started, but hesitated. "We actually have no idea what Voldemort is up to, we just know that he is preparing for something. We don't even know where he and his Death Eaters are hiding."

"but.." Harry began but his voice cracked, he just remembered that he hadn't really said anything for almost a month. Except for mumbling or screaming.

"But don't the order have any spies among the Death Eaters, like Snape was last time?" he continued.

"Professor Snape, Harry. And no, if Snape would even approach any Death Eater he would not survive long. Voldemort knows of his works during the last time."

Harry hesitated at this and sat back, letting it sink in. They apparently had no real idea what Voldemort was up to, just that he's up to something.

"We know why he's being silent though" Dumbledore continued. "They are, like we did last year, organizing. Setting up a headquarter, we don't know where. And they are most likely planning an attack which will be a big blow for the Wizarding Community."

"And we suspect, with your dream proving it, that he will attempt an attack on you. He may not know the whole prophecy, but he does know that it is you who stands in his way. And you are seen as a hero again which would demorilize the whole community if he would succede. But, there is one more thing Harry"

"What's that?" he asked.

"I will not keep this from you. He may attempt to attack your friends in order to reach you. That is why you only have Moody as a guard, the Grangers got guards under invisibility cloaks assigned to them and the Weasleys just moved into the Order's Headquarters. And other members from the order are guarding other likely targets."

"Can't I be moved to the Headquarters too? I'll be much safer there than here.." Harry asked hoping to be able to live with the Weasleys again.

"You probably would be safer there, yes, but to move you would prove much too dangerous. Don't worry Harry, I will get you away form the Dursleys in three days, the day before your birthday. You will be able to celebrate that as a birthday is supposed to be celebrated this year Harry, I promise you that but for now you will be safe here. Don't go too far away from the house though."

Harry just sat there looking at him. Dumbledore was speaking the truth, this probably was the best he could get for now.

"I hope you don't mind that I have arranged a small supper here Harry with Mrs Figg, you and me"

"Uhm, not at all." Answered Harry.

Not a long time after that were they all sitting around the living room table eating when Dumbledore suddenly said.

"Well well, look at that."

He pointed to one of the windows to the west where Harry could see a magnificent sunset. The sun was right above the horisont between some trees and a building. Beams were visible over and under some remaining clouds from the week long rain. It looked so beautiful that it filled Harry's heart with a warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. He couldn't remember when he felt this last which actually was when he and Sirius talked about moving in together in the end of the third year.

Harry knew that this scene would forever be etched in his memory no matter how dark it was for him.

Harry thought about how peaceful everything seemed to be now while walking back to the Dursleys, like the calm before the storm. And wondered what other wizard families were doing at that evening while he went into his room changed into his pajamas and sat down on his bed to remove his glasses. He suddenly noticed how his glasses case was actually lying there. He hadn't noticed it while putting down his wand on the bedside table. Petunia had probably found it and put it there earlier that day.

He took off his glasses, took the glasses case in his hand and felt a familiar tug by his navel. The last thought going through his head before the room disappeared from view was _"Damn, I'm such a fool"_.

A/N well, that's all for today, more tomorrow, please review, and what do you think will happen? Once again I warn you about an angsty storyA/N


	2. Chapter 2

_Cold..._

Harry was lying on a cold stone floor. He had just arrived to wherever the portkey had teleported him and hadn't dared to open his eyes yet. He didn't feel any pain in his scar though, warning him about Voldemort. He didn't even hear any sounds.

Slowly he opened his eyes and sat up, shivering. He was sitting in a circle of light, where the light came from he couldn't see, nor could he see anything in the darkness around him either.

He strained his ears to hear something and thought he heard a silent whisper, the rustle of someone's robes, maybe a step. Slowly he started to stand up, thinking about running out into the darkness and then wondering what use it would be.

Dumbledore surely already knew that he'd been tricked into touching another portkey again, Moody was probably just outside his room using his special eye when it happened.

But then Harry remembered what he and Dumbledore had talked about earlier. The Order had no idea where Voldemort's new headquarters were. Harry didn't even have his wand with him, nor his glasses, not even clothes. He was really unprotected and totally at his captor's mercy.

Harry shivered some more and put his arms across his chest in an attempt to keep warm. He did feel another feeling other than being cold though, a feeling he didn't want to accept first, he was scared. Not of dying but how he would die.

"_Crucio_" a female voice said and a beam shot out in front of him hitting him straight in his chest. Harry fell over on his back screaming by the pain going through him over his whole body. He rolled out of the circle of light, grabbing after something on the floor while screaming and rolling around. As the pain continued he crept together into a ball trying to hold in the screams and tears.

Suddenly it stopped, but Harry felt strange, exhausted by the curse. While relaxing and trying to move he heard footsteps hurrying over to him, felt hands push him over so he lied straight on his stomach, a feet on his back holding him down, hands grabbing his arms, tightly tying his wrists together behind his back. And Harry didn't even try to resist, he was way too exhausted by the curse.

"_This is not good"_ he thought. "_Why don't they kill me straight away, or do they want to leave that pleasure to Voldemort?"_

At this he felt them lifting his head by grabbing his hair and putting a rope around his throat. Then they pulled the rope up, forcing him, in a very uncomfortable way, to stand up.

When he found his balance he looked up and looked straight into a Death Eater's mask. Breathing heavily, he looked around and saw four more Death Eaters standing around him, all with wands pointing at him.

The one infront of him started laughing. The laughter of a maniac.

"What do you think about this situation?" she asked. "How do you feel about standing infront of me, your lovely godfather's murderer? Baby-Potter."

Harry felt anger rising while he was glaring at Bellatrix but then someone behind him roughly put a blindfold over his eyes and pushed him forward, saying with a harsh voice "move!". The one holding the end of the rope around his throat pulled him forward like he was a dog with a leash on.

The blindfold completely blocked out any light, probably being charmed. All he could hear was the footsteps and now and then some whispers but he couldn't hear what was said.

They walked in what he thought was corridors, sounded like that anyway but Harry didn't really care. He was freezing, his feets were freezing and his hands felt numb and cold. The ropes probably stopped the blood flow a bit to his hands.

Suddenly they stopped, he heard a small creek, then a bigger one like a big door opening and then he felt what he had dreaded. A pain in his scar growing with how hard his heart started to thump under his chest.

"_Soon it's all over"_ he thought. "_I can only hope he does it fast, a simple Avada Kedavra...."_

They dragged him forward some more meters, he heard other whispers in this room like it was coming from around the walls.

As they walked forward he felt the pain growing and then suddenly someone kicked his knees from behind so he painfully fell forward into a position where he sat on them. Two or three people gave out some harsh laughter before quickly stopping. Harry thought he understood why because he could almost feel Voldemort's eyes watching him.

"Take off his blindfold" Voldemort's voice said as Harry's pain rose so he had to clench his fists and bite his jaws together to ease it and to keep in the moan.

As ordered two hands removed the blindfold and Harry blinked a little to get used to looking again and though it was blurry without his glasses he didn't need to get used to the light. It was already rather dark in this room.

The room was, as far as Harry could see, a rectangular room. There was a big door at one of the short walls which they came in through, pillars created a way to the other end of the room where a chair looking like a throne stood. Around the pillars there were Death Eaters standing, though without their hoods and masks. And on the throne Harry could see him sitting, looking straight at him with something that looked like a smile.

Suddenly Voldemort stood up and walked towards him. Harry could hear the rustle of robes behind him as if the Death Eaters behind him backed, probably while bowing, but he didn't really care. His eyes were locked at Voldemort's face.

Voldemort stopped two meters infront of Harry and looked around smirking.

"I see that you have decided to join me again, not long after we met last" he said. "That old fool Dumbledore thought you were safe with those muggles, he said you could not be touched there by me, which is true. But there are always weaknesses. You may wonder how we succeded with this Harry, you may even wonder why I have not killed you yet. I think we will start with how you got here... WORMTAIL!"

By the right wall a short man in Death Eater-robes was standing and watching before Voldemort shouted his name. And Harry recognised him the moment he saw him even though he was without his glasses. The man went towards Voldemort and bowed deeply. He still had his silvery magic hand Harry noticed.

"You c-called me my Lord?" He asked but Voldemort didn't care anylonger, it was as if he told him to come just to see Harry's reaction. And he smiled again because Harry's face had turned from being in pain to showing disgust too.

"You may go" he said and Wormtail hurried off.

"It was he who did the most important task." He continued. "He transformed himself into a rat, sneaked through your home, found an object you would most probably touch every day without even thinking of it. And he got back here with a glasses case. So simple to make it into a portkey which would be activated by him while you weren't at home. It was close though the day he sneaked in. The muggle man could have killed him."

He stopped talking and looked at Harry who had a drop of cold sweat running down his face. But he had strangely enough started to feel calm while Voldemort talked, like Voldemort only had him there to talk to him first before killing him. But the paus made him feel more scared again.

"Don't get too comfortable boy" he said. "Goyle?"

"Yes my Lord?" A harsh voice answered from behind.

"Kick him."

"Yes, my Lord"

A big man, looking much like his son walked in front of Harry, lifted his leg and kicked but missed Harry because he quickly jumped over to the left and fell hard on his side.

"But Harry... now Goyle have to hit you many more times than I first planned. I have to teach you obedience. I did not have that chance last time."

"No, I was busy locking your wand" Harry silently said just before he saw Voldemort make a sign with his hand and Goyle's feet hit him hard in his stomach. And again, again, five more times and after that Harry didn't care about counting. It was probably a handful more times. When it stopped he coughed up blood and felt a terrible pain where he was kicked.

"Now Harry." Voldemort continued after watching Harry's pained face and blood a short while. "Let me explain why you are still alive, and let me explain the great strategic advances we get by making you our guest again..." He paused as if to consider something.

"You know that after the unfortunate incident before your summer holidays you became a hero again, the great Boy-Who-Lived. You will soon become the Boy-Who-Lived-No-More among the Wizard community. We will trick them that you actually died terribly. Imagine what a great blow that would be for them all. And soon they will, like last time, go to bed wondering if it is for the last time and wake up wondering which family didn't make it."

"And the reason why we will not kill you immediately is because you are important, you know much. Many important facts we want to know Harry."

"_He want me to betray all my friends?"_

"I want to know WHERE the Order's Headquarters are, who the members are, what the whole prophecy was. I doubt that Dumbledore is so stupid that he have not told you yet. Some more question will you hear later."

Harry who was still lying on his side, looked amazed up to Voldemort.

"_Does he really think I'm that stupid?"_

"So, you are supposed to not kill me if I tell you these things" he said. Feeling a bit braver again. _"I know he will kill me whatever I do, why should I want to tell him anything?"_

"Nononoo, Harry. The thing is that you will be killed silently and calmly when you have told us enough. If you will not speak then you will be kept alive and you have my word. You will be begging for death before you have even been here a week."

He turned around, walked back to his throne and sat down, watching Harry.

"Unfortunately I will not be able to be there when they question you. I have decided to leave that to the very capable hands of Bellatrix. I am sure she will be capable of not just asking you questions, but to also avenging those 14 years of pain you caused me. Bellatrix, you may take him to his cell, he needs some sleep."

Harry continued to look at Voldemort who was smiling. Probably because Harry's face had gone from being defying to have lost hope. Harry had indeed lost hope, he couldn't see any way out from this mess. In the graveyard he at least was to be killed in a duel. Seems like Voldemort had no such plans this time.

Harry was promising himself to not give them the pleasure of seeing him begging for death and to answer their questions was not even an option.

They had already returned the blindfold and was dragging him up with the leash so Harry hurried to find his balance again before fainting of not being able to breathe.

Again he was led through corridors when they finally stopped. He heard locks being unlocked and the sound of a metaldoor opening. Finally he felt how someone roughly pushed him in, heard the door being shut and the locks being locked.

He couldn't see anything as they never removed the blindfold, and all sounds from outside the cell were locked out. Probably a silencio charm over the room Harry guessed.

He backed slowly until he felt the door with his hands and followed the walls around the room. It was small, just two times two meters big, seemed like it was formed as a cube but he had no idea how high it was to the roof. Or if there was even a window, though he never felt any windows while walking around the room.

In the middle of the room he found some old blankets which he was able to create a uncomfortble bed of even though his hands were still tied behind his back.

While lying on his side and feeling the pain in his stomach and some other smaller pains from bruises on his knees and an after-effect from the Cruciatus Curse, he also felt loneliness. Worse than anything before.

"_Well at least they saw more 'strategic advances' in attacking me straight on and not my friends"_ he thought. _"I can only hope that Dumbledore somehow finds out where I am and mounts a rescue."_

What Harry didn't know was that Dumbledore was in his office at Hogwarts and was furious. And actually had no idea what to do.

Harry didn't recognise this scenario from his childhood when he was lying in his cupboard waiting for a distant relative to save him from the beating and yelling he received almost every day.

Without noticing it, Harry finally started sleeping and he dreamt about a redhaired woman with green eyes and a man looking much like an older Harry, they were both playing with him on a green field in a beautiful sunset that felt familiar but he couldn't quite place it.

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_For all the times you left me bleeding_

_Clouded, weakend by the haze_

_Cut of my pride, enough to forgive_

_Reconcile, back to square nothing_

_It seems I lost my direction_

_Don't have the strength to let it slip_

_Have no desire for the shore_

_Just let me play here for some time_

_Spent some quality time with the demon of mine_

_He said "I like the way you struggle but you know I'm here to win"_

/From "Square Nothing" by In Flames


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Wow, reviews already, how cool. Uhm, thanks to your reviews so far..

Lady of Masbolle.

rosiegirl (don't worry, the story is actually already finished, I'm just uploading one chapter each day, and the update rate of this page isn't the quickest I've seen).

Iniysa (same for you).

Pleione (I hope you will continue to think so).

Tia (It's coming on, and yeah, i really hope the lyrics fits, I got a hit of inspiration when I wrote it)

Just one comment i received from that swedish page I mentioned, someone thinking these next 2 to 3 chapters being too much alike, but I thought they were important to have to see how the situation really was and people's reactions, that's all comments now, read on. A/N

_Chilly..._

_The grass was nice and chilly under Harry's bare feets._

"_What's that aching?"_ he wondered.

_The stars above him were getting darker and darker._

"_Am I dreaming and waking up or falling asleep and starting to have a nightmare?"_

Suddenly Harry moaned.

"_Something's wrong here..."_

Harry suddenly remembered the previous day and tried to look around. But it was pitch black, he still had the blindfold over his eyes. He tried moving but stopped when feeling the pain in his stomach. He could actually move around if he wanted to, he'd been through worser pains before but chose not to in case there were internal wounds.

His hands were no use either, by now they were totally numb but the blankets had at least served their purpose of keeping him a little bit warm.

Harry sighed and the feelings of loneliness and hopelesness returned. He didn't long for anyone alive though, he longed for Sirius now more than ever. But he was not coming storming in and saving the day. Last time had indeed been the last time ever.

Harry tried to move his hands around to do something about the ropes but they were really tight. He was too hungry and thirsty to try something drastic, not that there was anything he could do. He tried for maybe an hour to cut the rope with his nails with no success.

"_What's with Voldemort anyway? He kows that I'm the only person in the whole world who will be able to kill him. And he says he wants me to stay alive at all costs? He must be having some hell of a illussion of grandeu. Or he's really serious about revenging the 14 years he was gone. One thing is certain though, he's not going to let me get out from here alive if no one saves me. I can just resist as long as possible and hope someone finds me before he gets tired of me..."_

Suddenly his stomach gave out a big growl.

"_I wonder if they are planning on letting me die by starvation, or if they think I'll talk when I'm hungry enough. Or if they just want me to beg for food as they apparently wants me to beg for death."_

Harry stayed there on the blankets for some more hours thinking on different things like blaming different people for his situation before he realized something.

"_How could I've been so stupid?" _he thought. _"It was so obvious, how often are there rats running around at the Dursleys? And I know that Wormtail is with Voldemort, I could have mentioned it all to Dumbledore and he would've taken me to the Headquarters."_

It felt like it was ages ago when he and Dumbledore talked even though it was probably just ten hours ago, he thought so anyway. Harry had actually no idea how long it was since he disappeared.

After a while he heard how the locks were being unlocked and the door creaked open.

Someone walked into his cell, put down something metallic on the floor and walked closer to Harry. It sounded like he bent down infront of him.

Harry gasped as a hand quickly took a tight grasp around his hair and banged his head down on the floor, holding his head down.

A knife cut off the blindfold which was taken but Harry was either blinded by the light coming from the opened door or couldn't see anything by the darkness in the rest of the room.

The knife was also inserted between Harry's hand and cut off the ropes around his wrists and his hair was released. Harry started crawling closer to the wall where he sat up and massaged his wrists.

"You stay calm now boy" the man said, Harry didn't recognise his voice though. Probably a new recruit he thought.

"I came to give you food" he continued.

Harry blinked and could see some more now, a silhoutte of a man in robes inside the cell and one outside the cell holding a wand. And there on the floor was a small metallic tray, on it a plate with something looking like a soup, a bit old dry bread, a spoon, a glass of water and a lit candle. It didn't look so tasty but Harry's hungry stomach would accept anything. He started crawling slowly towards the tray when the man stopped him with his feet.

"Not yet" he said while taking out his wand. "_Crucio_!"

"Wha?" Harry managed to say before the curse hit him and he screamed as loud as he could by the excruciating pain. It didn't last long though, just after a few seconds he stopped and Harry manage to bring himself around quickly.

"Wha.. Why did you do that for?" he managed to ask rather quietly.

"I have orders to torture prisoners every time I give them food" he answered and left. The door slammed shut and the locks were locked again.

Harry crawled over to the tray and took the spoon in a shaky hand. For a few seconds he looked at the soup. It was watery and it looked like it contained meat and beans. He took a spoon full, chewed and swallowed. Waiting for some seconds to see if it was poisoned with something like veritaserum or something giving pain. Nothing happened and Harry started eating it all up quickly. It did taste like shit but with no food for several hours he could eat anything.

After he had eaten everything he just sat back looking around in his room. It was indeed small, no windows, no openings at all anywhere. Stone floor, walls and roof. The only way out of there seemed to be the door.

Suddenly Harry noticed that they had left the rope around his throat. He started trying to get the knot open and succeded after a while. He put the rope on the tray and put one end into the candlelight so it started burning slowly. Harry just didn't want it to get dark again. He was tired of darkness but knew that more light would just mean pain.

Sitting back he started to wonder how long time he'd been here already. Understanding that he probably wouldn't see the sun until someone saved him, which could be weeks away, he took the spoon in his hand and started scratching on the wall. Indeed he managed to create a faint and short line. This he understood was the only way for him to measure time, to scratch out a line for every time he got food. The question remaining was how often he would be given food. Harry scratched some more, enlarging the line and to get his mind on something else.

He sat and watched as the candle died and the rope started to burn with a flame, not big but better than no light at all.

Smoke went up to the roof and into a small ventilation hole he didn't notice earlier. He stood up and was able to reach the hole, it seemed to be going straight up, no light was visible in it though. Way too small to climb through, that was no escape route either.

He sat back down and watched the rope burning and felt lonely again. He hated to admit it but he knew that he'd rather be kidnapped with a friend so they could at least talk and comfort eachother. Harry sighed deeply and the rope stopped burning, or what was left of it anyway. An almost total darkness consumed him except for a faint glowing and a smell of burned rope which slowly disappated.

He grabbed one of the blankets, wrapped it around himself and sat with his knees to his chin. He just sat there waiting for some hours, awake. Wondering what would happen next. He had stopped shaking, the guard was probably not as good with the Cruciatus as Voldemort or Bellatrix were. But it gave enough pain anyway.

Suddenly the locks were unlocked and the door opened. Harry couldn't see through the light who the people standing in the opening were.

"Come" one of them said.

Harry who was getting rather scared again stood up slowly and walked to the opening. He had no other choice anyway, he knew that they would get him to follow them one way or another anyway.

It was two Death Eaters who led him through the corridors which Harry now could see, being without that blindfold. It was stone walls, floor and ceiling here too, lit by torches hanging from the walls. They took Harry to the left out from the cell into a corridor which seemed to end with a wooden door. In fact there was another corridor leading from this one to the right, which looked like it led into a bigger one. But Harry was taken to the wooden door. Someone on the other side of the door must have heard them because the door opened and Harry was pushed inside. The man opening the door closed it and locked.

This room, which was also built by stones and lit by torches much like the corridor, was scary to say the least. There were four tables in the room with chains and shackles apparently to hold wrists and ankles. There were also smaller tables which had different kinds of knives and needles. And also chains hanging from the roof here and there.

The Death Eater by the door roughly pushed Harry in the direction of three other Death Eaters. One of them was Bellatrix.

"Take of your t-shirt" she said and smirked.

Harry swallowed, did as she said and threw his t-shirt onto the floor. It wasn't so cold in here even though Harry only had short pajamas pants on. He noticed that there were two really small openings close to the roof with sunlight shining through them.

Two of the Death Eaters roughly grabbed his wrists and locked them in shakles hanging from the ceiling. It was a rather uncomfortable position and Harry looked up to see if the chains could be forced off the ceiling but Bellatrix grabbed his head and forced him to look straight at her.

"Now Harry, tell me where the Order's Headquarters are" she said, smiling softly.

"_Heh, this is easy"_ he thought.

"I.." he managed to say before he heard a whip hitting his back and felt sudden pain explode in a line over his back and the pain going through his body like a wave. He screamed out loud, lost his balance and started hanging limply from the chains.

"That's good Arci" she said to someone behind Harry before looking again straight at him. Her face had a mad smile, her hand went up to Harry's face and started stroking his chin slowly. Harry noticed her long black nails which looked like they were meant to cut meat.

"We just wanted to show you what you'll receive this time for not answering or for angering us, this whip you see is a magic one of course. It delievers pain through your whole body, the wounds can't be healed by magic except for one charm which was invented by the same man who created the whip. And they always leaves scars. But please continue, you were saying?"

A drip of blood ran down from one end of the aching line Harry felt on his back.

"I.." he started. "There's a Fidelius Charm over the place"

"Then who is the Secret Keeper?" she asked softly.

"_This will just make her angry..."_

"Dumbledore"

Bellatrix's smile disappeared.

"So you say... too bad, nothing more to do there" she made a sign with her hand and the whip hit Harry once more. It hurt like hell this time too and Harry had no chance of keeping his scream quiet. A tear of pain leaked out.

"_Why don't they just use Veritaserum or something?"_

"We will continue. I have a list here" she said while taking up a small parchment from her pocket. "With the names of people we want to know where they are and after that we will continue to the names of the members in the Order. You will probably not know where most of these people are so don't worry baby-Potter, but the part after that should be easy." Her smirk returned.

Harry didn't really listen but was more occupied with the pain on his back. He had had no idea how much it hurt to be whipped, and they had just done it twice. He wanted away, back to his cell, anything.

"Let's start with the traitor Igor Karkaroff"

"Uhm... he ran away.. after the third task, I don't know where he is..." Harry said quietly as if he spoke with himself.

"So I see, too bad for you" she said as her smile widened, madness glinted in her eyes. She loved this and had longed for it for all those years in Azkaban. The whip hit again and Harry screamed out in agony as pain flooded over him, another tear leaked out.

"Then tell me where Ludo Bagman and Severus Snape are hiding"

Harry breathed heavy and fastly before answering.

"Snape is still at Hogwarts I guess... I have no idea where Bagman i- ARGH!" the whip hit him even before he finished.

"_Stop this, please stop this..."_

"All right" Bellatrix continued. "Then start giving me names of members of the Order, and I know that you know several, you have met them, talked to them, lived with them, don't lie if you want to rest."

He would just be whipped more anyway and he would never betray his friends, he felt bold again thinking of his friends, a smile crept up on his face.

"Dumbledo-ARRGH" he said as the whip hit again.

"You are too kind baby-Potter, giving me this pleasure, but you're also foolish, speak and we will let you rest, don't anger us"

Harry closed his eyes and tried to think on something in his past, but the aching on his back and now from his wrists where the shackles had started cutting into the skin didn't allow it. He started hoping that this was just another bad dream, a really long dream.

"You won't talk?" Harry heard her chuckling before the whip hit again. Harry screamed again and continued to hang limply.

"speak" whip, scream.

"speak!" whip, scream.

"SPEAK!" whip, scream.

Bellatrix grabbed Harry's face and shouted "speak!!" again as the whip hit once more. Harry couldn't stop some tears that leaked out, it was too much even for him this time. And Bellatrix was laughing loudly by the scene. He could feel lonely drops of blood running slowly down his back, lonely like himself.

"You think this is hard? Just wait until I start working as I did fifteen years ago, this is just starter baby-Potter. But I think we will stop here for this time. Realease him and return him to his cell."

Bellatrix walked past Harry as one of the Death Eaters unlocked the shackles and Harry who wasn't able to find his balance quick enough fell down onto the floor. The whip had totally exhausted him.

The Death Eaters grabbed his arms, lifted his body and dragged him through the corridor to his cell where they dropped him on his stomach, left and closed the door.

Harry reached out in the darkness and found some blankets which he dragged in under him and continued to lie on his stomach.

"_How the hell am I supposed to survive here? I couldn't even handle the first torture, if no one comes soon then I'm dead. No surprise there. What the hell am I thinking? I don't want to be here, I'd be anywhere but in the very hands of those who want me nothing but pain and death. I'd rather even be in a detention with Mr Filch. I can't die this way, I have to resist."_

Harry felt some more drops of blood running down his sides. The wounds hadn't healed yet apparently.

Harry tried thinking back on his friends and stuff they've done in school. Sirius' happiness during the last christmas, Tonks changing faces the previous summer at the Grimmauld Place during dinner. Quidditch. He tried to think of the feelings of total freedome and happiness which always floods over him when flying. To fall asleep to it, but sleep wasn't a possibility. He wasn't sleepy at all and the wounds on his back was still aching too much.

But he continued to think while not knowing at all what was happening in the rest of the world. Not knowing how the people he thought of was taking his disappearance.

Lying in the complete darkness, saving his strengths and feeling lonely, scared of what awaited him in the days to come.

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_One more night  
To bear this nightmare  
What more do I have to say_

Crying for me was never worth a tear  
My lonely soul is only filled with fear

Long hours of loneliness  
Between me and the sea 

/From "Ocean Soul" by Nightwish


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks again for the reviews, nice to see that you like it. Makes me happy in a nice way :)

Phantaghiro – Hmmm, never though about that with wandless magic, neither does Harry, and another point (I realy hope no one gets angry when I write this) but this story won't go so far as those with Harry killing Voldie. Oh, about apparating, Harry has no idea how to do that and how do you know if they don't have anti-apparate wards over the whole place? And again, the story is already finished, I'm just uploading it one chapter per day and reads your comments, though I read through every chapter before I upload them to check for typoes.

Lade of Masbolle – Yeah, I gotta admit that I had a great time writing Bellatrix' and Voldie's lines in this fic, so perfect evil, mad evil, an open evilness. She want people to know it was her because she loves when people fears and hates her. You just can't stop loving her taunting and behaviour. But now when I rereads these chapters I notice how much more evil I could've been to Harry. Especially after reading a fanfiction on called Crimson Bliss by TeaWithVoldy, though that one is for people over 17 only (I absolutely understand why). Another thing, you will only get to know what Harry knows in the story, no more no less. Oh btw, thanks for your comment about the writing, it warms my heart, I wonder if I'll be able to make someone cry as someone on that swedish page I mentioned said she did in one of the last chapters.

Anyway, on with the story now (see, I've learned from my mistake the last chapter and inserted a line between the comments and the story, I'm so evil that I'm scaring even myself).

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"_This damn pain."_

Harry had finally fallen asleep and had just awaken. Darkness pressed on everywhere. He couldn't see a thing which scared the hell out of him when he opened his eyes. What time or day it was he didn't know. Just that he was really hungry again and needed to visit a bathroom. He dreaded that they might force him to just do his natural needs right there on the floor.

He crawled out from the blankets and felt his way to the door where he stood up. Pain came again from his back though it had stopped bleeding now. He took a deep breath before challenging fate, lifting his hand and starting to bang on the door, shouting.

"Hey! Anyone out there! I need to visit a bathroom!"

Right infront of him light exploded over his eyes as someone on the other side opened a small hatch.

"Shut up boy!" he said. "There's a hole in the floor over there" he pointed to Harry's right, "if you're not happy about it, then pray for death as I'm gonna make you happy about it." The hatch was closed.

Harry felt his way to the hole, it was too small for him to escape through it and it was water filled. No paper, nothing to clean himself with but better than nothing he thought.

An hour or two went while Harry was lying on his stomach again, waiting for something to happen. Not wanting anything to happen except a faboulus rescue.

Suddenly the door creaked open again and the same metallic tray with the same items on it was placed on the floor. The guard walked up to Harry who was prepared for the promised dose of Cruciatus but instead he felt how a knee pressed on his neck, locking his head on the floor.

"No Cruciatus today boy, I have orders to heal your wounds" he said and Harry could see through the dim light that he was smiling. He took up his wand while putting his other knee over Harry's arm. He only had one he could move right now, his right arm, while the guard was sitting on his left side. His right arm couldn't reach anything either, especially not the guard's wand.

He chanted some words Harry didn't hear and a faint beam shoot out from his wand which was pointing down at one of Harry's wounds on his back. He first felt relieved, but then there was pain. Harry thought that it didn't feel like the guard was healing him, it felt like he was burning the wounds with a really hot light. The guard slowly dragged the burning light over the wounds while Harry screamed out in agony and tried to twitch but was locked down by the guard's heavy body and the weakness from the lack of food.

After some agonizing minutes the guard had finished and rose up. Harry leaned over to his side but received a hard and unexpected kick in his stomach.

"That's for disturbing me" the guard said and left the room. The door closed and was locked again.

Harry crawled over to the tray and ate, scratched a new line besides the old one and watched the candle die. Darkness consumed him again. The time passed as Harry sat in one courner thinking, waiting and sometimes crying.

He could feel six lines on the stonewall in the darkness. He had finished eating his sixth meal for just a few hours ago (so he though anyway), he had slept between each meal and had had no other contact with the outside world other than with the guard. Called Marforn as Harry had heard someone call him.

After this meal he heard what he had dreaded every time he had been given food. The door opening again and someone telling him to come.

Harry took off the blankets he had around him, trembling slightly with a thumping heart under his chest.

"_Not again, let me sleep, let me go home"_ he thought.

They led him back to the torture chamber and locked the door again. He noticed that there were many more Death Eaters around this time than last time.

Two of them grabbed his arms and led him to one of the tables, Bellatrix was standing by it, smirking again.

"Please lie down Potter" she said.

Harry gulped.

"I'd rather stand up" he answered. Someone in the room made a small laugh. There were six Death Eaters in the room this time, counting Bellatrix.

"You will lie down on the table one way or another baby-Potter, you chose which way" she said smirking some more.

"_As usual I have choices but I like none of them. It's like they want me to do everything freely..."_

Harry hesitated, looked around. All Death Eaters, except Bellatrix had their masks on. Harry looked back at the wooden table before climbing up on it and lying down on the middle.

"_I don't have any choice but I'm gonna regret this anyway"_ he thought.

Two Death Eaters roughly took his ankles and wrists and locked them in the shackles attached to the table. Harry, feeling scared and anxious, looked over at the knives lying on the small table by his. Bellatrix saw where he was looking and giggled.

"I won't use these this time, but you don't need to worry, I'll use them sometime before we kill you" she said. "This time we're going to try a methode with the Cruciatus Curse which we tried on the Longbottoms. Though we did become a bit overenthusiatic that time. But this time we all have specific orders of no permament damages." Her smile broadened.

"But first" she continued. "I'm going to update you on some things happening in the outside world." One of the Death Eaters handed her two _Daily Prophets_.

Harry just lay there watching around the room. There were two Death Eaters to his right and two on his left, Bellatrix was standing down at his feets while one Death Eater was standing by the door. In the openings by the ceiling he saw a red sunshine, was it evening light or dawn he didn't know.

"You may wonder where all Death Eaters came from and what we've been up to these last days" she opened one of the newspapers. "_'New mass outbreak from Azkaban, three guards are dead and four are treated at st.Mungos. All Death Eaters captured in the Ministry of Mysteries in June are free. Minister Fudge warns the public of these very dangerous people'._"

One by one the Death Eaters around him took off their masks. Lucius Mafloy, Rodolphus Lestrange, Walden MacNair and Antonin Dolohov were standing around him. The one at the door was probably the same "Arci" from last time Harry was in this room.

"We are indeed going to have a very nice time here Harry" Bellatrix said. The others laughed grimly. Lucius looked like he could torture Harry by just looking at him. He did indeed look thinner than last time Harry saw him, probably because of his time at Azkaban. He also looked like he had just received a faboulus birthday present.

"I'm sorry that we never had time to... question you on your birthday Harry, now on to the next newspaper, it's a day older than the last one. _'Harry Potter presumed dead. Three days ago it was announced that Harry Potter, also known as the Boy-Who-Lived had disappeared and "wanted signs" were put up in the hope of anyone seeing him. Even muggle news-services was given photos of him in case any muggles would see him. It was presumed that You-Know-Who kidnapped him as he had done in the early summer of 1995 and now Ministry-Officials states that he is "most probably already dead". Mr Dumbledore and friends of Harry Potter refuses to comment.' _"

Bellatrix put down the newspapers and brought up her wand, smirking at him. Harry himself was aghasted, he couldn't almost believe it.

"_I'm presumed dead? Dumbledore would never stop searching, would he?Fudge probably still hates me somehow presuming that so early. But they're right, I would be dead now if it wasn't for Voldemort's complete madness."_

"You have nothing to live for baby-Potter, no one searches for someone who is already dead. Oh, by the way, when talking about being dead. The Dark Lord promised you that you would be begging for death before you've even been here a week, which means that today you'd better be begging for death. This methode always makes people begging for it though, trust me, the Longbottoms even forgot their baby-boy when they were subjected to this."

"Now then" she continued while walking around the table and pointing her wand down at Harry's forehead just a few centimeters above it. "We will start to subject you with the Cruciatus Curse for five seconds, if you won't answer any questions after that the next man here will subject you to it for ten seconds. And then it will be for twenty seconds, next forty seconds and so on. Until you either answer enough questions or if it had been another person, until you have permanent brain damages."

"_This is madness, take me away from here. I won't manage that curse for so long."_

Harry looked around again, the shackles were too tight, holdings his arms straight out to the sides of the table and legs out to the courners. He was shivering, by fear, cold or both, he didn't know. There was no escape.

"Same question as last time, members of the order" she said.

Harry looked up at the roof, not wanting to see their devilish grins.

"_These people should rot in hell"_.

"No? All right then, _Crucio_."

Immense pain flooded over Harry, she was good with the curse all right. Harry screamed out loud, but this time it was short. The curse was already over but Harry was breathing heavily anyway.

"Short but painful, Malfoy, you're next" she said.

Harry made the mistake of looking up and looking straight at Lucius' face. He felt the man's anger at him, weakening him.

"With pleasure" he said while taking up his wand and pointing it at Harry's forehead, smiling as he looked straight into Harry's eyes.

"_Crucio_"

Again there was pain, immense pain all over Harry, burning, piercing, ripping, but not for so long this time either, but it was enough with ten seconds to exhaust Harry. He twisted and twicthed while being under the curse but the shackles held him.

"Speak Potter" Lucius said.

"_Next time is twenty seconds, this can't go on, I'll go mad for sure, I can't betray my friends"_

Harry held his jaw tight shut and looked straight up at the ceiling.

"No? If you may Rodolphus?" A man, having similare mad eyes as Bellatrix took Lucius' place. He had a goatee and long hair. It was apparent that he shared the same love for torture as Bellatrix. He also placed his wand a few centimeters above Harry's forehead who clenched his jaws shut and closed his eyes. Some drops of sweat ran down his face as Rodolphus said "_Crucio_".

Again immense pain flooded over Harry. Unbearable pain. He couldn't even hold in his screams for a few seconds. He screamed and twitched, this was lasting for too long.

"_Stop it, let it stop"_

And then it was over, Harry was lying exhausted on the table. His limbs felt like lead.

"All right boy, talk" was all Bellatrix' husband said. But Harry was busy catching his breath, he swallowed while thinking some more.

"_I can't take more, it's impossible, I can't betray my friends, I gotta do something, get some time, get back my strengths before they continue, let them stop somehow"_

"You stubborn boy, Dolohov, you're next"

Harry saw as the next Death Eater around the table took out his wand and positioned it above Harry's forehead.

"_No, not yet, I'm not ready yet, gotta say something."_

"Wait" Harry gasped just as Dolohov opened his mouth. All six Death Eaters in the room were startled.

"Sooo, the baby can't take more and wants to talk" Bellatrix said with a taunting voice.

"Don't keep us waiting, talk" Dolohov said.

Harry gulped some more and looked around. He felt really helpless lying there with almost no clothes, his hands and feets locked down on the table.

"Uhm..."

"_There's gotta be someone I can say"_

"Mad-eye Moody" Harry finally said.

"Goddamnit boy, you can do better than that" Dolohov said as putting back the wand over Harry's forehead.

"No! Wait!" Harry almost screamed.

"_I can't betray the Weasleys... someone, I can't take more of this"_

Dolohov looked at Harry for some seconds while Harry hesitated.

"_Crucio_" he finally said, almost lazily.

Again the pains came over him with renewed strength, and it didn't stop. It was terrible, Harry wanted it to stop anyway possible, even death. He begged for death while screaming by pain but after a while of screaming and twitching Harry's view got dimmed as if a thin layer of fog and water was over his eyes. His body was just shaking, twitching, it felt like the pain was subsiding somehow. And then it was over. Harry could hear the blurry dim people around him talking as if they were long away. He was totally exhausted, he couldn't even speak thanks to the exhaustion and because he had tired his vocal chords by all the screaming.

Slowly the surroundings came back to order.

"Wait a while" Bellatrix was saying from a distance, at least it felt like it was a distance, but her voice was getting closer. "Usually after being under the Cruciatus this long it takes a while to get back. Look, his eyes are not shaking, he's back again"

Harry breathed slowly and hard. That was the worst thing ever, it was for forty seconds that time, next time one minute and twenty seconds.

"_It's impossible to stay sane that long, it gotta be impossible, they have to stop, I have to say something, make them to let me back to my cell"_

MacNair took out his wand this time and positioned it straight above Harry's forehead.

"Talk boy, or suffer" he growled.

Harry looked up, trying to steady his breathing, he noticed something wet on his face. Was it tears, sweat or maybe even blood?

"Snape" he finally managed to say.

"Oh, so he really has left the Dark Lord's service forever" Lucius thoughtfully said as if he was thinking aloud.

Bellatrix leaned forward, had her face a few centimeters above Harry's face. Stroke his chin slowly with her long black nails while her long black hair flowed down on Harry. He was disgusted by her in every way.

"Yes, that was useful information" she whispered. "But won't get you out from here, tell us more, just two or three more people and we will let you sleep. That is, people we don't already know of baby-Potter."

She stood up again and MacNair placed the wand abover Harry's forehead again.

"_Noo, not more..."_

"Oh, by the way baby-Potter, continue to beg for death and you will probably receive it sometime but it's mostly a pleasure for us anyway to hear it."

Harry was too occupied to look at MacNair's wand to care about his mistake. Mentally imagining that he was somewhere else. The Burrow, eating Mrs Weasley's great food.

"_Cru_-" MacNair started to say but was cut off by Harry.

"Noo..." Harry started to say. He was on the verge of crying like a baby, something he hadn't done for around ten years.

"_I can't go on like this, they'll win if they discover what a wreck I've become."_

Bellatrix had apparently seen Harry's facial expression showing his fear and dispair because again she leaned closer and whispered.

"Was it something you wanted to tell us or did you just want to cry baby-Potter?" she asked and smiled grimly.

"_I have to manage this.... there is no other way, please make it easy."_

"_Crucio_" MacNair said and Harry screamed out in pain.

For the first ten seconds it was as unbearable as any other time Harry had been under this curse. The ten seconds after that it started getting dim again, probably faster because he was exposed to the curse for a rather long time not long ago. But the pain was as powerful as usual.

During the next ten seconds his consciousness started to fade, slowly, the pain started to subside, but he could still feel it somehow. He wasn't screaming as much now, more twitching and shaking.

Everything was getting really foggy during the next twenty seconds. Once all muscles tensed in Harry's whole body and phlegm erupted from his mouth, together with something white mixed with some blood. After that Harry only remembered bits and pieces. Feelings, mostly pain, pictures like how they stood around him, carried him out of there. Voices in the distance. Last thing he remembered was how they threw him into his cell and everything went dark.

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_ In all that blue   
Little boy, such precious joy   
Is dead to the world _

Heaven queen, carry me   
Away from all pain   
All the same take me away 

We're dead to the world 

/From "Dead to the World" by Nightwish


	5. Chapter 5

Pleione – No he hasn't, his life has been madness from his birth. And to tell you the truth, I feel sorry for him :)

Thanks again rosiegirl and "Colin Mochre is hot"

DJ Rodriguez – This is bad indeed, the reason for the fanfic, to show a worse case possible scenario, and it is dark yes, especially his cell, I like dark fics (and music) for some reason, oh a glimmer of light, not yet I'm afraid, but soon, really soooon, patience my young fan, patience! The red line throughout the story is just how Harry will cope with all this happening to him, how will he ever return (or get) to an almost normal life after all this happening to him?

Oh, funny detail about the beginning of this chapter, what I used when writing about Harry's symptoms now, except for the pain, that with vomiting and everything rotating. Hrm, when I was really really drunk for the first time in my life (it was actually a really fine and luxurious vodka-brand, perfect when mixed with sprite or 7up), it was a rellay interesting thing to live through actually. First I laughed at everything, but then everything rotated, and I really mean rotated, I was surprised that it could rotate THAT much, again again and again, never stopping. Not the easiest thing to get to the bathroom and drink water though I succeded with that task. And then I felt like vomiting, which I did, which probably helped me getting some of the alcohol out, while I drank water, feeling finer again (that is, feeling fine the next morning again). Don't despair though, I promised myself to never drink too much again and have so far not broken that promise (and I've been on numerous parties since then). Enough with this babble and more fanfic, read. Read! READ!

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Harry slowly opened his eyes, it was still dark.

"_What happened?"_

Slowly he started to feel his surroundings, the cold rocks, and then something crept up, immense pain. Like he still had the Cruciatus on him but in a way weaker. He screamed loud, rolled around, wanting it to stop, to get out of there. Harry crept up in a courner of his cell and lied like a small ball as the pain subsided and a distinct ache stayed. He felt terribly dizzy, cold, sweaty and thirsty and he was shivering.

Suddenly the door opened, a dark silhoutte walked into the room. Everything was rotating he noticed now when he could see something. He didn't care about that guard standing there, he needed to vomit now.

Trying unsuccesfully to crawl on all four to the "toilet", he just fell over on his side again and vomited there straight on the floor.

The man placed a tray on the floor and walked over to Harry who could now see that it was Marforn, his guard. He took out a hand and Harry tried to prepare for a kick, hit or a bit Cruciatus but felt too sick to do anything at all but moaning. He wasn't beaten though but felt a cold hand placed on his forehead.

"Really hot, these aftereffects are really nasty" he said and brought out a small bottle from his pocket. "Drink this and your fever will go down"

"And if I refuse?" Harry whispered really quietly. Death was just another escape route for him now.

"Then I will force you. You won't die by your own free will here, the Dark Lord decides when you shall die." he said while opening the small bottle. He then grabbed Harry's hair and forced his head back and pressed the opening of the bottle into his mouth where the bad tasting liquid ran out. As soon as some of the liquid was in Harry's mouth Marforn forced his mouth closed and roughly pulled his body up some and pressed his head back some more, trying to force Harry to swallow it. He had no strengths at all to resist and felt how the liquid went down as he swallowed it.

Slowly he stopped freezing and instead felt rather hot and sweaty. But the room continued to rotate and he continued to feel dizzy.

As Marforn left the cell and closed the door Harry crept together into a small ball again, trying to ease the rotating which he noticed was slowly subsiding. Leaving an annoying ache all over his body together with the exhaustion.

He crept over to the food, pulled a blanket over his bare shoulders and started eating. The food was the same crap as every other time, he didn't know how often he got food, but it wasn't often enough, just to keep him alive.

Time passed, days passed, probably weeks too. They took him out several more times. Once when he had eight lines on the wall. That time was terrible, they placed him in the middle of the torture-chamber. Tied his hands behind his back, his legs and his arms to his body. Then they forced him down on his knees. One of them, probably Crabbe or Goyle, started to hit and kick him. He refused to say anything though.

He knew this time that they would just want him to say more anyway and continue to beat him.

The taste of blood stayed in his mouth for a long time after that. Broken ribs were healed the next time he was given food and probably some internal wounds too.

Next time he was tortured was when he had fourteen lines on the wall. This time they placed him on the table again. Before beginning Bellatrix explained that they had been busy for several days. She also read an article from the Daily Prophet.

"_'Harry Potter's body (the Boy-Who-Lived) has been found. No reporters were able to get photos of it but witnesses reports that it is severely wounded and had been dead for about a week according to healers. Friends of Harry Potter still refuses to comment but Harry's girlfriend, Hermione Granger, was seen running away crying. Mr Weasley, father of Ronald Weasley shouted to reporters "Get the bloody hell away from us and leave us alone!"' _"

"_They still thinks she's my girlfriend"_ Harry thought for a short time while hearing the article.

They also told him that they had attacked a muggle family, among many other attacks. Parents, one 18 year-old daughter and one 16 year-old son were all killed and the house was burned. But they took the boy's body and transfiguered him a bit so he looked like Harry, then they half buried the body somewhere so someone found it.

Everything felt competely hopeless for Harry after hearing these things. But then Bellatrix started playing around with the knives lying on the small table. She explained to him that these knives, much like the whip, delievered pain throughout the whole body. It also left scars and could only be healed by the same painful charm as with the whip.

That was one of the most terrible experiences Harry had ever been through, she didn't go deep though, just cutting in his arms, on his chest and stomach. He was afraid that those scars would stay forever. As well as those on his back.

He had lost all hope of rescue by this time and was left alone in his cell for some time again.

Next time they took him out he had 18 lines on the wall. This time he got a grave beating too. He couldn't move nor sleep those hours afterwards until Marforn came in again, gave him food and roughly healed him. Not all wounds, just the most grave ones, leaving aches here and there and a broken rib.

It continued like this for Harry who wanted to die all the time but was never allowed. Once he even tried to drown himself in his soup but Marforn apparently was able to watch over him somehow even though the door was closed and locked.

Afterwards he was punished. The punishment wasn't that terrible in a way. His hands was now always tied to his back and he had a shackle around his neck, connected with the wall with a chain long enough to reach down to the floor.

When he got food they took off his ropes and watched over him as he ate. If he ate too slowly they would rush him and sometimes start feeding him. Needless to say he often spit out some food when they fed him too fast which resulted in a hit or a kick and that Harry got less food into his stomach.

Suddenly Harry heard the door opening again. He was lying on his back. He had a pain in his chest, legs and a nagging headache this day and also felt immensely hungry and thirsty. He had recieved a beating again yesterday. At least he thought it was yesterday, it felt like he was just recieving food once a day.

Marforn walked into the room again with the usual tray and the usual food and Harry prepared for the usual Cruciatus but didn't recieve any. Instead he heard how Marforn put down the tray and walked over to him. He was humming on something, like this was just another normal day and another normal work. Marforn started to examine Harry's wounds before saying anything.

"Well, I'll have to heal these wounds on your head, and some of the broken ribs I think, then you'll be able to eat just nicely".

He picked out his wand and said some incantations, giving relief to Harry from different pains, but the taste of blood stayed in his mouth.

Marforn then cut off Harry's ropes and went over to the other end of the room and watched him. Harry slowly crept over to the tray and started eating with shaky hands.

The Death Eaters were strangely kind today he noticed. No Cruciatus as he'd recieved almost every other day. Marforn had just healed him and let him eat as fast as he wanted. When Harry had finished eating Marforn went over to him again and tied his wrists before he left and all that was left was the candle light.

Harry crept over to the wall again and scratched in another line by holding the spoon in his mouth, sighing after he had counted them.

"_34... why won't they let me rest... why did it have to be me of all kids in the whole world who'd be the one in the Prophecy? I just wanted to be a normal kid with his parents at home, having funny holidays, but noo, I had to live with the Dursleys. Recieving beatings and being mocked in school. What happened then, oh yes, Hagrid came and rescued me from them. I could almost get a normal kid's life again, as normal as it can be in a wizarding school. But noo, instead I was famous and got stared at. I also got enemies because I wasn't just another normal kid, because of something that happened to me which I had no control over. And friends of course, real friends at last. Life seemed to get into a good standard but noo, suddenly everyone thought there was a mad murderer after me, but he wasn't any murderer, it was my godfather and then ofcourse the real murderer and his "Lord" went after me that next year. And again everything went straight down, maybe it would've been best if he could've killed me that time. That way I wouldn't had to live through my fifth year, Sirius' death or this..."_

He sat by the wall for maybe some hours, being angry at people and things they had done. Feeling sorry for himself. Soon he heard how the door opened and there were Death Eaters outside cell.

"_Again?! Nooo, I'm still too wounded I can't take this any more" _he thought as Death Eaters walked into his cell and took off the shackle around his neck, pulled him up and pushed him out of the room.

There were five of them, unusually many. And as Harry started walking with them a sudden pain in his chest and leg stopped him. He couldn't even stand up, had to sit down on his knee. He breathed hard, afraid of what they might do on to him for stopping. But they just dragged him on through the corridor by holding his arms.

They didn't take him to the torture chamber as all other times, they dragged him on to a corridor going to the right and then left through a bigger one to some big oak doors. He instantly recognised the sound from when they opened the doors and he also recognised the hall beyond it. It was the throne room and there on his throne was Voldemort sitting with his snake Nagini lying besides on the floor, pain instantly erupted in his scar. _"What's going on?"_ Harry wondered.

They dragged him in, dropped him in the middle of the hall and joined the circle of Death Eaters that was forming around him. The circle was a lot bigger than it was in the graveyard more than a year ago.

Unable to stand Harry stayed lying on the floor but noticed how an opening formed where Voldemort entered the circle. It quickly closed when he had entered.

"_Are they finally going to kill me? Or does he just want to torture me personally?"_

Voldemort started laughing, a cruel, icy and harsh laughter. Harry closed his eyes and held in a scream of pain, pain which had just intensified in his scar.

"Again Harry, are you within this circle. And again are you just a mere wreck. Instead of being tied to a tombstone you lie there. Unable to stand up to meet your greatest fear face to face." he walked closer to Harry while taking out his wand "You know, Bellatrix has reported to me that she was successfull with breaking down your mental health. I wanted you to be broken before I killed you. Yes Harry, today is the day when you will finally be able to rest, meet your long lost parents, be in a happy state of death. And I will finally win forever, I will make sure that your friends will soon accompany you in death too."

He laughed quietly for himself, leaned over and put his wand right above Harry's forehead, pointing straight at his scar. The pain was terrible but Voldemort's whispering voice pierced right through it.

"Now Harry, just one more thing. I want you to cry, cry like a baby, I want you to fear me, to be really broken. Just this small favour and I will let you rest."

"_He's really mad if he thinks I'm gonna do that for him, hell no"_

"Never" Harry whispered. After the beating yesterday his voice was almsot gone (as it had been some other times during the last weeks). If he talked too loud it hurt in his throat and all that would come out was a craxing sound.

"You are really stubborn Harry" Voldemort said as he stood up again. "But I had foreseen this impossible charade of yours and we have means to stop it."

He made a sign with his hand and the circle opened where the door was located. Two Death Eaters went over to it and opened.

The room instantly filled with a terrible chill as a Dementor slowly floated into the room. Harry started to hear in a distance the voice of his mother screaming.

"You have already met some of these faboulus creatures Harry, so I will go straight to the point. If you do not fear nor cry then this Dementor will come closer and perform the kiss on you. You have two choices, die peacefully or forever have your soul stolen from you. You cannot imagine what pains a soul sucked by a Dementor have to live through forever Harry."

"_Nooo, not this, why do I always have to be given two choices where I like neither..."_

"What will it be Harry?"

The Dementor slowly floated closer and closer, the screams intensified with the cold.

"Nooo, not this" Harry said quietly. "Just kill me and let it be over with."

Voldemort laughed, he seemed to be uneffected by the Dementor, actually most Death Eaters seemed uneffected by the Dementor. Those showing signs of being affected just backed off a little. Some was even laughing with Voldemort when seeing Harry's expression of despair.

Screams got louder, Harry could hear Voldemort's laughter both in his mind and outside. He was fading. "_Nooo, if I fade then all is lost, please God no"_

Even if he didn't want it, tears started leaking out, again had his captors reached a top of what Harry could withstand. He was terrified, they really had broken him down to a wreck, both physicly and mentally.

"No, not this" He whispered and accidently let out a sob. The Dementor stopped. Voldemort turned back to watch Harry's face. His smile broadened.

"_This is madness..."_

Voldemort walked over to Harry again and put his wand straight above Harry's scar again.

"You should not be sad Harry" he said and some more Death Eaters laughed shortly.

"_Crucio_"

This was worse than ever. It felt like his scar would break and rip open his body as the burning pain throughout his body felt like it was transforming him into ashes. Needless to say Harry screamed as loud as he could of the pain while he rolled around, away from Voldemort and landed on his stomach. At last the curse was removed. Laughter went through the hall.

Voldemort was walking around Harry while speaking.

"You may wonder why I did not kill you at once. Well, to tell you the truth, I wanted some enjoyment. To break you as I said earlier. You can not imagine how nice it is to fall asleep to the screams of one of your greatest enemies, echoing through the corridors. But then I noticed what date was coming up, and you were already broken and had refused to say anything useful. So I decided that on this day you would die. At the same time as your friends have just arrived at Hogwarts and are enjoying a feast."

"_Is he saying that this is the 1st september? Have I been here over a month?"_

Voldemort stopped walking, he was standing between Harry and his throne. But Harry didn't care about looking around, he was just lying there on his side, with his knees up to his stomach and his head down. His body aching from the Cruciatus and the pain in his chest, painfully reminding him of his broken rib.

He was thinking about his friends again, how they must feel about believing he had been dead for more than a month. Sitting there trying to have fun. Wondering if Dumbledore had mentioned him in his speech.

"Any last words Harry?" Voldemort asked.

"_Any last words... I have something"_

"Yeah... Damn you all... to hell" Harry managed to say quietly between breaths.

They all started to laugh, cruel and harshly. When it died down Voldemort took up his wand again and pointed it at Harry.

"_Avada kedavra_"

--------------------------

_Sleep Eden sleep   
My fallen son   
Slumber in peace _

_Cease the pain   
Lifes just in vain   
For us to gain   
Nothing but all thesame _

_No healing hand   
For your disease   
Drinking scorn like water   
Cascading with my tears _

_Beneath the candle bed   
Two saddened angels - in heaven, in death _

_Now let us lie   
Sad we lived sad we die   
Even in your pride   
I never blamed you _

_A mothers love   
Is a sacrifice   
Together sleeping   
Keeping it all   
_ /From "Two for Tragedy" by Nightwish

A/N I gotta say that those lyrics are so terribly great, I mean "Sad we lived sad we die" screams Harry Potter, or "A mothers love, Is a sacrifice" makes me think of when Lily sacrificed herself for Harry, used her love to save him. And don't worry (actually my first big cliffhanger) next chapter comes in tomorrow again ofcourse. A/N


	6. Chapter 6

A/N I'm sorry for the last chapter which I myself thought was rather sucky, but important, so far I guess you all are wondering why people are doing like they are doing stuff and all that, but things will get clear soon :)

And I gotta apologize if you think it's getting way too dark (and thus silly), the light is coming, as the singer in Stratovarius just sang in this song I'm listening to right now "but all will be okay" in the song called "Liberty". I promise you all that it will get shinier soon but still angst. The story has been stuck for the last two chapters with no progress actually, but the progress will come crashing down hard like a meteor soon with a bit of patience.

Hmm, though I had something more to say, doesn't seem like that.... except that I finally got the big mechanics-test back today, and I was victorious! Weeh! Able to put a majority of my energy on the math these next weeks instead, at last. I'm a happy student now, x-mas closing on, one of two big tests finished and parties soon too. I'll have time to start on a new fanfiction soon too. Also in the Harry Potter-world though but really different from most of the fictions I've seen so far.

If it wasn't for all the games coming out now though, gotta play them too :)

Anyway, enjoy the chapter now, and another comment, REVIEW! Please, forgotten to say that in most chapters.... which reminds me that I should write some reviews too. Only fair.

READ! I command ye.

_---------------------------_

"_Green..."_

Harry saw, as in slowmotion, how the green flash from Voldemort's wand came closer. Voldmort's smile behind it. Memories from the past also flashed through Harry's mind in this small part of a second. Even things he didn't remember, his parents, wizards he met even before he knew about the Wizarding world. Friends smiling, he being happy with them, him holding the quidditch cup in school. Sirius' smile.

Then the green flash hit him, right in his face. But something was wrong, he didn't just die and lie there with the surprised expression.

Harry could feel the curse hitting him, going into him, putting itself around his heart and brain. But it couldn't get in and stop them. It was pushed away. Suddenly there was pain around his heart and in his head. Green flashes jumped from between his fingers, arms, body, even in his mouth between his tongue and teeths. A green fog seemed to put itself over Harry's eyes. He twitched around, screaming. worst was it in the region around and in his scar. Suddenly he felt another feeling, something he had had there for a long time, ever since his mother died. The protection she put on him with her last strengths, her love for him went strong again. The same love he had felt for every other living being. The curse was pushed away with full force, it flew out from him straight at Voldemort. But he was prepared and was able to jump out of the way. The curse hit the wall over the throne and blew off some rocks.

Harry himself fell limply onto the floor. He couldn't move, speak or do anything but lying there motionless, not even moving his eyes. But he felt how his body breathed and could feel an aching all over his body, he also heard the astounded silence in the hall. He noticed in the courner of his eyes how Nagini crawled towards him.

"_This can't possibly be death"_ he thought.

Voldemort quickly came around and walked back into the circle of Death Eaters whom were talking to eachother, wondering what just happened, wondering if Harry was dead.

"It is not possible.." Voldemort said. "This can not be, the protection cannot still be there..."

Harry felt how Nagini crept up on him and put her body around Harry's body. Resting her head on his head, if he had been awake he'd thrown he off quicker than he catched a Snitch.

Bellatrix took of her hood and mask and went up to Voldemort, kneeling in front of him on one knee.

"What is it my Lord? Is he dead? What happened?" she asked.

"This has happened once before, 15 years ago when I tried to kill him last time" he answered. "But that time I was not prepared for the curse jumping right back at me. No, he is not dead, he is just unconsciouss."

Voldemort walked closer to Harry and seemed to be deep in thought. Nagini lifted her head and hissed as he walked closer. Then she started to slither her tongue on Harry's face. Like she was tasting him.

"This is something important, the old protection put on him by his mother is still there, protecting him from the Killing Curse. This is useful, we cannot kill him yet. We need to find out a way to get this power out of him. In the meantime we will keep him in his cell. Put a Dementor outside to keep him calm but remove it when the boy gets food. He must stay alive. For now anyway, but I fear that we will not be able to get the protection from him quick enough. A few weeks maybe, then we will kill him in a more crude way. Leaving him with Nagini perhaps. We will see, but now we got work to do, much work. You, you and you" he hissed as he pointed on three Death Eaters.

"Take care of this mess." He then left the room and Nagini crept after him as the Death Eaters scattered, the three Voldemort pointed out walked up to Harry and dragged his body back to his cell.

He noticed while they dragged him through the corridors how his control over his body returned, fingers, eyes, mouth, feets. And as they throw him back into his cell he felt how he could move his arms again. He also felt something wet on his forehead. Like water had been running down from it. He noticed that it was his scar which was bleeding. It felt like someone was banging his head with a huge rock.

He noticed how he started to feel lonely again. He could have died there, his hell could have been over forever. No more people watching his scar. No more people, prophecies or anything controlling his life. No more pain and no more losing people close to him. Just peace and quiet. But now he didn't get all this. He was just back to his cell again.

"_In a way"_ he thought. _"I've always been in a cell. Never been allowed to do anything. Always had to live with the Dursleys to be safe, had to stay in Hogwarts to be safe, always under surveillance. Because they wanted me to stay alive, but they never saw what I wanted. Normality, peace, freedome. So what if I died, I didn't chose to become the "Chosen One" or whatever they want to call it. I always saw what other people needed, wanted and tried to give it to them. But did they ever tried to see for my needs? It's unfair, if I wanted to die because there is no more for me in this life, so what? Nothing I want, like freedome and the ability to chose what I want to do with my life would I ever get in this life. I just want to die peacefully. Get what I want... Damn it's freezy in here"_

Harry was really freezing now, it has never been cold like this in his cell. But then he remembered what Voldemort said. _'Put a Dementor outside to keep him calm'_. Harry suddenly heard his mother screaming, Voldemort laughing, a green flash, everything got dim.

_Sirius was falling through the veil, Harry tried to save him but was stopped. His mother was killed, a harsh laughter then one more green flash. Ginny was lying lifeless in the Chamber of Secrets. Harry fell from his broom towards a sea of Dementors. He was holding Sirius and trying to protect him from the hundreds of Dementors coming by the lake. Sirius was falling through the veil. His mother was leaning over him, crying again, screaming to another one, a man with red eyes and a chilly laughter. Again he saw him, standing infront of him in his throne room. Then on a graveyard. Harry was on the ground again, but in the graveyard now, and Cedric lay dead besides him. Harry's arm was cut and his blood was poured into the Cauldron. Voldemort rose again. Sirius fell through the veil. His mother screamed._

After some hours the sights kind of floated together. They went on and on. But Suddenly his consciousness returned. It wasn't as freezing anylonger. Not that Harry was happy about the absence of the Dementor, the visions just reminded him about how much he wanted to die again. And was still unable to die.

The door opened, a Death Eater entered with a tray and the same food again.

"Eat" he said. It was Marforn again.

"Kill me..." Harry said quietly but knew it was in vain. If Marforn killed him then he would suffer greatly by Voldemort before dying himself. So again Harry had no choice and crept over to the food. He ate under the surveillance of Marforn who probably watched in case he would attempt suicide again. When he finished eating Marforn went over to the tray and kicked Harry out of the way.

Harry groaned and crept in under his blankets as Marforn picked up the tray and started to walk out. Harry thought about begging to be without the Dementor, but hesitated too long. The door closed and darkness consumed Harry again. Soon the cold returned together with the pictures while he faded again.

He didn't care about scratching in lines anylonger in the wall, didn't care about time at all. Nor anything from the outside world the next days. Nothing mattered as he lay there remembering all the worst parts from his life, which were many. Too many and too terrible. And sometimes he got food. He didn't really know how long he had been like this when the door opened again and two Death Eaters came in and dragged him out. It could have been a month, a week, two months, anything.

They dragged him into the torture chamber again and Harry was too weak to do anything at all. He hadn't really eaten so much those times he got food. And the rest of the time he was just lying in his cell, fainted. He could only imagine how he must look, paler and skinier than ever.

The Death Eaters put him down on one of the tables and locked his wrists and ankles in the shackles. He lazily looked around and noticed some spots of old blood, probably his blood from those times Bellatrix had cut him with knifes.

His arms he noticed now when being out from the cell did have scars on them. Lines in different directions, he also noticed something he had almost forgotten. His right hand still had the scars from the detentions with Umbridge one year ago. So many scars everywhere.

Harry looked around some more. Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Lucius were there. He felt dizzy with the lack of food and water, couldn't really lock his eyes on any of them and just tried to lie back. Rest somehow on the hard wooden table.

"You don't look to well baby-Potter" Bellatrix said with a grin, the others laughed loudly. Rodolphus had one of his arms around her waist.

"Noo, not well at all, I suspect that you need some more treatment" he said with a laugh.

"_Not again..."_

"You may want to try that new charm you found Bellatrix" Lucius said, like he tried to sieze control over the torture. Bellatrix looked up, smirking at him and walked over to Harry's right leg, placing her wand over it. Harry tried to look down but was too tired to see exactly what she did.

She flipped her wand in the air somehow and then hit the middle of the part above the knee of Harry's right leg. There was a crack and immense pain as the bone broke. Harry screamed out loudly.

"Why... did you do that... you didn't even... ask any questions" He managed to say between breaths and when holding in moans.

"Oh you see baby-Potter-" Bellatrix started to say but was interrupted by Lucius.

"That we are leaving soon for some missions, war takes time. And there won't be a Dementor outside your cell for a few days. So to keep you calm we... immobilises you" he said. "Some guards will of course remain, so even if you are not able to do anything, try not to escape anyway."

Bellatrix didn't seem to be finished yet because she walked over to Harry's left side and put her wand over his left arm.

"Can't you just... tie me or... something? He asked.

"Well yes, little baby-Potter, but this is soo much more fun" Bellatrix answered as they all laughed. She then did the same thing with her wand and hit his left arm above his elbow. There was a crack and more pain. Harry had to hold his jaw tight shut not to scream or groan. All that was let out was some moans, sweat and some tears.

Bellatrix walked over to his right side and did the same thing on his right arm. This time Harry wasn't able to hold in his screams and the Death Eaters laughed some more. Like they were watching a comedian telling some silly jokes.

"You scream too much baby-Potter" Bellatrix suddenly said as she instead put her wand over his throat. "I found this curse in a book, it reminds me of the Silencio Charm but is more... fun" She put the wand's end to Harry's throat before chanting some words.

"No wait" Harry said.

"_Silencio-Cruciotos-Maximus_"

"Stop" he tried to say but all that came out was a craxing sound, a cough together with a little blood. It hurt when trying to talk and the cough felt like it had razors in it.

"_Pain, pain pain, everywhere pain, stop it goddamnit!"_

"Don't worry boy" Rodolphus said. "It will heal in time, maybe some weeks, just don't say anything. That will just give you more wounds."

"You won't even live that long anyway" Lucius continued.

Suddenly Harry saw how Bellatrix made the bone-breaking charm again on his right arm, this time under his elbow instead of above. He tried to scream but all that came out was a long groan.

He remembered how he broke his arm in his second year, it wasn't so bad except that he had to spend a night with painfully regrowing the bones. But this was terrible. He was hungry, thirsty, dizzy, the surroundings seemed dim. Without knowing it he blacked out as he had done so many time before the last month.

_He stood in a graveyard. Not tied though, but Voldemort was standing by his father's tombstone. He had ropes in his hands, prepared to tie Harry._

_He looked around and saw Dumbledore stand maybe ten meters behind him. _

"_Come to me Harry and live safely, receive love and understanding" Dumbledore said._

"_Come to me Harry, or I will come for you. And in either way you will receive pain, suffering and death but in the end you will get back to your parents and godfather." Voldemort said in a threatening voice. By him suddenly stood Sirius, James and Lily._

_Harry looked uncertainly back to Dumbledore and by him stood several people, most of them in his own age. Ron, Hermione, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Ginny, the twins, Charlie, Bill, Mrs and Mr Weasley, Luna and more. But now he noticed how Draco and his two baboons also stood there among other Slytherins._

_Always two choices and no freedome. One way gave love, pain and probably death. The other way gave pain and a certain death but then love. Before making up his mind Harry felt immense pain in his arms and right leg and couldn't stand up any more._

He opened his eyes, pitch black as usual. He was back in his cell. He could feel how the Death Eaters had put sticks and bandages to keep his arms and right leg straight but they had also tied his legs together. His hands were lying on his stomach with the wrists also tied together. He tried to make a sound but nothing came out. He started to feel more dizzy and unconsciouss again.

As he wondered what it was that woke him in the first place he heard a sound. A quiet clicking in the locks of the door. It wasn't someone opening with a key, someone was picking it open.

Suddenly the lock unlocked, the door opened quietly. People were standing outside. Harry could only see their profiles but he noticed that two of them crouched outside, pointing somekind of submachineguns to either end of the corridor. Two other walked inside and turned on somekind of flashlights.

"_Muggles?"_ Harry thought before he lost even more consciousness.

The two persons inside his cell put their rifles on their backs and started to take equipment from their backpacks. Harry thought he saw that they had helmets, helmets and masks, somekind of wests and dark clothes.

"Vite" one of those in the corridor said. "quelqu'un vient"

Those inside his cell was building a stretcher with metalsticks and somekind of cloth. When finished they took Harry by his shoulders and feets and put him on it. But when lifting him the pain grew, unbearable, he tried to scream but still just a groan came out and he faded.

All Harry could remember from afterwards for a while were images. Sounds and smells. They were carrying him through the corridor. Someone, sounded like Marforn, screamed.

"Stop! _Avada kedavra_!"

There was some green light, someone jumped out of the way, panic, shouts like "Merde!" Gunfire and soon Marforn's dead body lying on the ground, blood running out from several wounds in his torso.

Metal hit the ground, smoke, they were running up some stairs. And then a picture which stuck itself in Harry's memory forever on. Stars and trees, even the moon. The fresh air, it was so nice, so fresh, so refreshing. The will to live started to return to Harry as they ran through somekind of forest in the night. Even though his broken bones hurt like hell it was so nice there. He wanted everything to stay like this forever but before he knew it they reached a somekind of black van. There were some letters on it that Harry didn't care about reading.

They ran in, carried him through the backdoor of the van and closed them while someone in the front started the engines and fastly drove away out on a road.

Harry noticed that all four were in the van and felt relieved that none of them had died.

They were taking off their masks and helmets as one of them put a hand on Harry's forehead.

"Calme, personne ne peuvent vous nuire maintenant"he said in a quick french as another cut of the ropes with a knife. But Harry couldn't understand a word of it. It felt calming though and soon Harry fell asleep even with all the pains. He somehow felt safe but he knew it was just an illusion. Though to be in peace for maybe one night after more than a month of hell made him happy.

A/N No lyrics in the end of this chapter though, felt like a good ending of this one, please review as I said in the beginning :) A/N


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - I'll start commenting frm the oldest reviews first I guess, hmm, damn, spent 11 hours in school today. First a 2hours lesson, Linear Algebra then after lunch 2 hours of exercising on what we learned on the 2 horus lesson. Then working on a project report, then me and a pal went to buy some pizzas and then on the evening I started sewing on my Overall. Haven't painted my nick on the left leg yet though.   
Anyway, comments coming up.

rosiegirl – Again I thank you for your positive comments, though not two chapters in one day, it's enough work reading through one at a time and check for typos or silly stuff. And I fear that I won't be able to upload one on friday thanks for a small pub that evening at school. Gonna put up x-mas decorations in our pub/lunchroom on friday, drink Glögg (which swedes always does during x-mas) and sing x-mas-songs, ahhh.

Dj Rodriguez – Yeah, still seven chapters left actually, a lot of stuff will and it'll get a bit intensier soon, a calm part is coming now.

captuniv – Yeah, I happen to like France, don't ask me why though, except for good food, nice weather and good whines.

Lady of Masbolle – Why, thank you very much my Lady, actually it's really fascniating that Harry and Voldie had similare youths, though Voldie turned out evil not Harry, my theory is that the "Love-protection" his mother put on him is the reason for that. Thanks for your tips about that with "so" too, gonna think on that when reading through this and the next chapters. 

Pleione - Thanks to you too, but yeah, I've seen really REALLY dark fanfics, dark as black holes. Though now when I was reading this again when checking it I noticed how it felt... silly somehow, but maybe it's just me as I like dark fanfics too :)

Oh btw, the weapons the police-guys had were the french standard military gun Fa-mas and there clothes which I treid to describe were much like SWAT-clothes. - A/N

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"_So Bright..."_

Harry tried to look around, but it was too bright for him too see anything thus he closed his eyes again. He had been in total darkness for more than a month and couldn't even look around in a room with all lights switched off and just the evening sun shining in through some windows on his left.

He could still feel and hear though. And noticed that he didn't feel any pains now. His arms and right leg actually felt numb but it was still very comfortable for him. He was lying in a nice soft bed with warm sheets.

He opened his eyes very little again. Bright and blurry, but he could see more now. There was a transparent plastic bag hanging to the left of his bed with a tube running into his left arm. His arms he noticed now were in casts, his right leg too. The leg was also hanging a few decimeters above the bed.

He noticed several bandages and plasters across his chest and stomach. Also on his left leg. He also felt some plasters on his head and saw some cords attached to his chest from a small machine standing on a table to his right. He noticed how it beeped with his heartbeat.

"_A muggle hospital, a lot of machines here instead of some quick magic... I can't be safe here! I have to make them contact the police so Dumbledore will know I'm here somehow, wherever 'here' is"_

Harry now instead tried to look around in the room as he felt a small feeling of panic rising. It was getting darker thanks to the sun getting lower making him able to see more. But he was constantly reminded by the absence of his glasses.

He noticed there were six beds in this room. One to his left, one to his right and three along the opposite wall. There was a door in the wall to the right and some big windows in the wall to the left. The bed infront of him was occupied by someone sleeping. Snoring too, painfully reminding Harry of Ron.

The bed to his left also had a boy in it who was also sleeping, but silently. He had a broken leg which was hanging much like Harry's right leg.

The beds on Harry's right side were both empty but the bed to the left infront of him had someone in it. Harry couldn't see the person in it because there was a doctor and two nurses standing in the way. They were talking silently and Harry couldn't hear what they said.

Harry felt rather helpless and lonely again, couldn't move his arms nor one of his legs. No one around to talk to. No one probably even knew who he was and none that Harry knew probably didn't even know he was alive and saved. For now anyway.

One of the nurses, he noticed, started to move. She walked towards the exit and Harry who understood that he needed to contact Dumbledore somehow took the oppurtuninity and tried to shout "Hey! Wait!" before he remembered the curse on his throat, there came no other sound other than a craxing and immense pain in it. He had to close his eyes and swallow hard to keep the coming and very painful cough down but failed. The taste of blood again came into his mouth. He did manage to get attention though as the doctor and both nurses turned around to check on him.

"Vous vous êtes réveillé finalement" the doctor said in a quick french but Harry couldn't understand a word.

He was a rather suntanned man with black short hair and a white doctor cloak. The nurses were both females. Also with dark hair and brownish skin.

The doctor put a hand on Harry's forehead and checked on the plastic bag, casts, bandages, cords and tubes.

"Ça va?" he asked and watched Harry's face strangely as he noticed how Harry seemed to neither understand or be able to say anything.

Harry himself was feeling rather frustrated by not being able to understand nor to say anything and tried to calm himself by lying back and watching the roof.

"Vous ne comprenez pas le français? Pouvez-vous parler?" he continued to ask.

"_Give it up I can't understand a word you're saying damnit!"_

"Do you underztand... le english?" he now asked with a french accent. And Harry suddenly looked straight back at the doctor and nodded.

"Bon, uhm, you cannot speak?" This time Harry shook his head.

He said something to one of the nurses he walked out of the room.

"You 'ave been zleeping for a 'ole day since le GIGN arrived with you" he continued to say to Harry after the nurse left. "You are very lucky to 'ave been rezcued. You were dizcovered by chance."

The doctor looked around and grabbed a chair which he dragged up to Harry's bed and sat down.

"Donc... My name iz Pierre, Pierre Giroux, and.. well, 'ow you were dizcovered, There were these, uhm, campers in zat forest. And zey discovered zese... ruins which zey explored. When zey heard zese screamz of pain zey saw zese openingz by ze ground where zey saw you lying, ztrapped to a table and ztrange people around. One of zem were causing pain to you zome'ow... anyway. Donc, zese campers 'urried to the police and zey inveztigated and dezided to call in ze GIGN, zpecial forzez. 'o rezcued you from zese kidnappeurs ."

Now Harry remembered the openings by the roof. Of course, every light gives some hope and those openings with the light they gave the room also gave him a small chance of hope.

Suddenly the nurse came back in with some papers and a pencil. She gave them to Pierre who went around Harry's bed, lifted the blanket over his right arm a bit. Then he put the papers under his right hand and pressed the pencil into it.

"Écrivez... write, s'il vous plaise" he said.

Harry now understood and silently thanked the quick thinking of this french guy. He started to write _'I'm Harry Potter, from Great Brittain. Been kidnapped for over a month, I think. Please contact authorities in England, they think I'm dead.'_

When he finished Pierre took the paper and read it.

"Do not worry, I will take care of zis, now you should rezt, you 'ad many wounds sérioux."

Harry lay back in the bed and closed his eyes. Another night of peaceful sleep he hoped on but didn't know if Voldemort and his Death Eaters would come storming through that door this night, killing everything in the way and then letting Nagini crawl upon his helpless body, putting her poisioned fangs into his throat. Injecting the poision, watching him suffer until death. Harry felt rather nervous as he closed his eyes and let the exhaustion consume him.

_Again he stood in the graveyard, in front of him was Voldemort waiting for him to go over there for death. Behind him was Dumbledore waiting for him to go to him. Harry looked back and forth, wondering which was best. Dumbledore meant some happiness but mostly pain and if he against all odds were able to win against Voldemort, then what? He knew in his heart that he wouldn't be happy anyway. Voldemort meant certain pain and death, but then happiness. He would be happy._

_Harry looked back at Dumbledore but then took a step towards Voldemort. Suddenly there were immense pain in his scar._

Harry opened his eyes. It was dark everywhere as it was still night. His scar hurt so badly that he couldn't keep in loud groans. The pain wouldn't stop, neither did the anger he felt stop. Voldemort was angrier than ever, they were probably back from their mission and they had discovered that he wasn't there anylonger.

Suddenly some lights switched on. Nurses went into the room, turned on a light and noticed how Harry was lying there, sometimes groaning. He face was wet by sweat and had a very pained expression.

He saw how they hurried over to him, checking his temperature and bandages, also seeing how the heartbeat had doubled. Wondering why he was in pain but it was subsiding. Voldemort was getting calm again, probably at the cost of one or more Death Eater's life. Harry relaxed again, the beeping got calm again. The nurses were talking fast and quietly in french. He closed his eyes and let the tiredness come over him again, making him fall asleep. A seamingly dreamless sleep.

Slowly Harry opened his eyes. It was a rainy day outside. His mouth, lips and throat were excruciating dry. Licking his lips he saw how there were people around again. Pierre, checking some papers and another person who looked familiar. He had normal muggle clothes but was rather musculare and had a tough expression. There was also a nurse there, she seemed to have noticed that Harry just licked his dry lips. She asked Pierre something who nodded and she took up a plastic glass, filled it with water in a nearby sink and went over to Harry, helping him to drink a bit. She was saying something to him, like comforting him or something, Harry didn't know.

When finished she checked the plastic bag hanging to Harry's left while Pierre went over to his right side.

"Bon, you are awaken 'arry, uhm, zis man 'ere might interest you" he said.

"Oui, je m'appelle, uhm, I am Sergeant Christophe" he said as he reach out his right hand as if to expect a handshake. Before he remembed and embarrased took it back. Harry noticed how he was able to stand very straight.

"Donc, I was in the GIGN-team assigned to save you" he said in a lot better english than Pierre had. "And well, I was the team leader and it was my first mission to save a kidnapped kid" he almost seemed embarrassed if it wasn't for the fact that he was standing as if facing a superior. "Anyway, I was given the orders to question you about the events you 'ave been through."

Pierre suddenly looked like he just remembered something and took out a small notepad and a pencil from his coat pocket. He put the notepad under Harry's right arm and putted the pencil into his hand as the nurse had done the earlier day.

Harry suddenly felt sick, they were going to question him, just as the Death Eaters had questioned him for over a month now. He dropped the pencil and felt anxious, scared. It was totally illogical but he couldn't help it. His heart started beating faster, he breathed faster and he started to sweat violently.

"'arry?" someone said through a haze. "'arry!?" and everything went dark as shapes started to move around quickly through the darkening haze.

He didn't know how long time had passed. Everything was just a big jump in his memory from when Christophe wanted to ask him questions to now when he felt calm again. He opened his eyes slowly and noticed how Pierre wasn't there but Christophe sat in a chair to his left.

"What happened?" Harry tried to ask but remembered his throat as he felt the pain and the upcoming, painful cough.

"_It'll never heal if I keep forgetting that I can't talk"_

As he craxed and coughed painfully, feeling the taste of blood in his mouth yet again Christophe seemed to wake up and looked around at Harry. He had bloodshoot eyes and looked worried.

"'arry!" he said. "vous vous êtes réveillé."

He suddenly stood up and hurried to the door where he shouted "Docteur!"

As he came back Pierre was with him and Christophe sat down again. The doctor started to check Harry's health.

"You 'ad an 'ysterical attack 'arry" it was Christophe who was talking. He leaned closer and took what was reachable of Harry's left hand in his hands. "I need to know what 'appened with you over there. 'o were the kidnappers? You don't 'ave to write it down now, wait until you are ready. But it troubles me to see someone I risked my life to save, though I would do it again any day. To see you diminish and maybe die in an 'ospital bed. Are you ready to tell me what 'appened?"

Harry looked away from his face and looked at the roof shortly.

"_If I get hysterical attacks just by being reminded by what happened... maybe I have to tell them, but I have to keep the wizarding world secret somehow."_

He looked back at the military officer and nodded shortly. Even before the minute was over he had the notepad and pencil in his right hand again.

"uhm, let us start with 'o they were" Christophe asked carefully.

Harry thought for a short while before starting to write.

_'Somekind of mad cult, called themselves Death Eaters. Their leader called himself Voldemort.'_

Both Christophe and Pierre read the note. Pierre showed a sign of anxiouty but Chrisophe stayed calm and controlled.

"What did they want with you?"

_'They wanted to know things. Strange things I didn't know. They mostly wanted to...'_

Here Harry stopped. He didn't know those memories would have this affect with him. But thinking back on all those times in that chamber made his heart beat faster again. He had been beaten before of course, but Vernon never did anything like what Bellatrix did to him.

He let out a whimper and felt how tears he kept in started to force themselves out.

"They mostly wanted to do what?" Chrisophe asked.

Suddenly Bellatrix' face appeared in Harry's mind. The evil grin, her fingers stroking his face. Or the first time she used a scalpel on him. He remembered how helpless he felt as he saw how she pressed the knife down into his skin for the first time. Felt the pain and saw how blood came up from the line she had cut in his arm.

Suddenly another whimper was let out and with it a tear. He remembered how he hardly ever cried for feelings. Once when he was a kid, once when Sirius died. But the hell he had been through had really broken him.

Harry tried to calm himself as he picked up the pencil lying in the bed again. His view was blurrier than normal even without his glasses thanks to the tears. He put the pencil to the paper again, blinked a few times.

"_Do I really wanna tell them this? I'll just show myself weak if I tell them how much they tortured me"_ he thought.

"_But you have already shown yourself weak by crying like a little baby"_ a nagging voice said in the back of his head.

"_I don't want to live this life, not with this past and this future I have..."_

He started writing as both Pierre and Christophe, who both looked really sad and worried watched the paper. _'... wanted to torture me' _he wrote.

"I... I will contact the police, Pierre 'ere 'as already brought forward the message you gave 'im yesterday. They are contacting a special group in Brittain assigned on finding you, but they apparently 'ave almost stopped since they found what they thought was your body."

Christophe stood up, put a hand on Harry's forehead and said quietly.

"You can be calm now, no one will hurt you anymore"

"_You should just know how wrong you are"_

He ripped of the paper that Harry had written on and left the room. Pierre found a chair himself and sat down too. He was mumbling to himself in french while Harry wrote some more on the notepad.

He had to tap on the notepad to get back the attention of Pierre. He looked up and read what Harry had written. _'Where am I and what day is it?'_

"Oh? You 'ave really been isolated 'aven't you?" he said as he took up a towel and dried away sweat and tears from Harry's face. "Zis is l'Hôpital du Bordeaux and it is ze 15th of septembre"

"_The 15th, and I disappeared the 28th July, I wonder what's happening at Hogwarts, I didn't even have a chance to receive the OWL-grades."_

The rest of the day passed slowly, the rain stopped and the clouds blew away. Some nurses went in and checked the four patients one time, changing plasters and bandages on Harry, checking his casts if they were still in good shape. The nurses were babbling all the time with eachother while working and laughing sometimes. They even said some things to the patients now and then. The others apparently were french because they did answer and laugh with some jokes. Harry couldn't do much more than to watch the sun getting lower and lower again in the window. Reminding him of the last time he met Dumbledore for a long time ago now.

He did get food though. Good food, felt like he hadn't tasted anything as great as hospital food. But he imagined that the food at Hogwarts was probably much much better. It was just that he hadn't eaten anything else than dry bread, water and a watery soup for a month, also under torture. He had to be fed thanks to the broken arms which was even more annoying for him.

The day passed slowly as the sun went under the horisont, the lights were turned off after some hours.

In time he fell asleep worrying if this would be the night when Voldemort would discover where he was. _"Voldemort was right, no one would care to search for me when they think I'm dead. Especially not after they had found my 'body"_ Harry thought.

_Again Harry stood in the graveyard. But things were different, he was tied to the tombstone again and Voldemort stood infront of him. There was an annoying pain in his scar and his heart was beating rapidly. Things weren't as the other times though. It was just him and Voldemort, no Death Eaters, no Cedric, no cauldron or Triwizard Cup. Dumbledore wasn't there either as in the last dreams._

"_At last I found your mind Harry" Voldemort said. "Now tell me where you are so I can come and put an end to your misery forever."_

"_No.." Harry answered._

"_No? But did you not take a step towards me last night? Did you not chose death over life and a chance of defeating me? A very puny chance if I may say so"_

_He smiled as Harry felt confused. _"How does he know what I have dreamt about, or was this just another dream?Can't be just another dream, we're talking too much"

"_Now tell me where you are before I get angry with you again. Then I promise you a painless death. I hope it is painless anyway but we cannot know because neither of us has ever died."_

_Harry didn't say anything, he tried to look at something else than those piercing red eyes but he felt the pain rising in his scar as Voldemort's anger rose._

"_Tell me!"_

_He grabbed Harry's head and forced him to watch his red eyes._

"_Leave him Tom" another voice suddenly said. Voldemort looked around after it. "Release his mind Tom, you cannot win this way."_

_Suddenly there was a bird's song, Phoenix song, a feeling of relief washed over Harry as the pain in his scar disappeared. Voldemort released Harry's head and took a step back, looking around wildly as the graveyard became blurry._

"_Never! I will never release him!" he shouted and turned back to look at Harry, the graveyard went back into focus. "Tell me where you are boy!"_

_The phoenix song went stronger and Harry felt his strength rising._

"_No" he said. "Be gone from my head!" The ropes disappeared with the graveyard. All that was left was phoenix song, white and a diminishing Voldemort._

Suddenly Harry gasped and opened his eyes. He was still in the hospital and no Voldemort was to be seen. It was still night too and Harry closed his eyes again, feeling calm and safe as he fell asleep.

Several hours later he woke up by somekind of activity in the room. Someone singing was in the room, singing while vacuum cleaning.

Several hours later one of the nurses fed him with breakfast and again they checked over him. Pierre came and went and checked on all patients in the room. Harry somehow felt refreshed and calm again. Voldemort didn't know where he was, but he would find out in time. But for now he could rest, long away from friends though.

Even if Pierre was there talking to him about his life and family Harry still felt lonely. Since Sirius had fallen through the veil he understood that he didn't have anyone left who was that close to him. _"All there would ever be for me is friends"_ he thought.

The morning passed into afternoon, he had just eaten lunch when Pierre went by and said to him that there was a visitor. Suddenly Harry felt anxious, who could it be? Maybe Death Eaters searching every possible hospital for him as visitors. Maybe it was a police officer from England here to check if it really was him. Or maybe someone from the order.

"_With my luck it's probably a Death Eater. I should never had told Pierre my name."_

Pierre left for other errands as a man stepped into the door frame. He was old, very old, wearing a costume and having a very long white beard and hair. Harry recognised him the instant he saw him _"Dumbledore!"_.

Dumbledore looked straight at Harry, who noticed how he smiled but there was still a tear running down his bearded cheek.

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_After,  
the cold darkness,  
in the heart of the forest.  
Where birds are singing,  
for the new born sun_

In the womb of the leaves,  
on the branches of the trees,  
lies the treasure of the morning,  
the pearls of light.

Carried away by the truculence of my world,  
I got lost in the search for enlightenment  
The blue rain,  
Covered my roots and I forgot where I came from.

/From "Pearls of Light" by Within Temptation

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Cool how I started putting in happier song texts as everything got shinier again. Never thought on that when I wrote all this in the end of last summer.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N  
Gee, thanks for all comments, I'm getting all embarrassed now. Hmm, I think I'm gonna take some pictures tomorrow night and fix a new page on Saturday and that, but I'll still have time to upload chapters.

Pleione – And here it comes.

rosiegirl – Same for you.

Lady of Masbolle – Well, first of all I was listening to most of these songs when writing and felt that they fitted with the chapter, sometimes I don't have any lyrics in the end of the chapters just because I didn't listen to anything fitting and didn't care about finding any. And then I checked for the lyrics by just searching after the song, or when it comes to Nightwish, checking at where they have all lyrics. And don't worry about short reviews, fun enough to get anyway :D

Tricia-chan - Hehe, can just imagine, Harry being put into a totally empty room (again), locked up, not even any clothes (those could be portkeys) but by Dumbledore this time. Madness, from the ashes to the fire (or however you say that in english).

Evaisy – Thanks, and now finally I got an explanation to LoM's statement "I can't believe this only has 16 reviews!" the other day, most have obviously died of heart attacks as you feared. Good, my evil plan is set in motion for world domination, hehehe, uhm, did I write that? Dang.

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Dumbledore walked slowly closer to Harry's bed. He stopped on Harry's right side who looked up at that old happy face now with several tears running down.

"It.. it is you" he said. "You are alive..."

Harry wanted to say something but even if he could have said anything he wouldn't know what. He just looked up, being reminded of so much by seeing his headmaster's face. Both happiness and sadness.

"I... I had almost lost hope since they found what seemed to be your body. I, I started to believe that we had lost you forever. I was blaming myself for not, keeping you safe enough. Not caring about you enough."

Harry looked up at Dumbledore, he didn't care about his excuses.

"_He doesn't really care about me... he just wants me to be alive so I can defeat Voldemort for him"_ he thought.

Dumbledore continued to talk.

"Harry, as soon as you touched the portkey Moody discovered your absence in your bedroom. He apparated straight to me and a search started. But we had no idea where you were, the Death Eaters didn't even tell us anything about you. No threats, no demands, no pictures of you when they did this to you" Dumbledore watched over all Harry's wounds. "And then the rumours aroused, the prison breakout. Newspapers writing about the presumed death of you. Life has never been harder for us..." Dumbledore went silent and just watched out into thin air.

"Then they found what was said to be your body. We were brought to see if it really were you. We, I did not know what to do at that moment. The next weeks were just a slow searching as there were attacks. Random attacks, we could not capture any Death Eaters to interrigation. Could not trace them, we could just sit idly and hoping on something. And then school started, had never been that empty. Some students had lost close relatives, there were even missing students. Hope had never been that far off before, not even during the first war" he sighed and looked back down at Harry again.

"I have arranged a transfer to Hogwarts Harry. Poppy will be able to heal your wounds faster and you will be safer there. I think it is best to keep your news about being alive secret for a while. For you, to give you some time of peace and quiet. But if I know the wizarding community right the rumours will spread and soon there is going to be reporters all over Hogwarts" Dumbledore smiled down at Harry who understood that Dumbledore knew about his dislike of being in the center of attention.

The day passed slowly as Dumbledore told him about things that had happened in his absence while walking around with him in a wheelchair. But in fact Harry didn't hear a word of what was said. He was using this opportunity of fresh air again to think, mostly dark thoughts.

Dumbledore seemed so happy about Harry being alived but Harry didn't understand if it was because of the prophecy or his love for him.

He told him how they would move him safely to Hogwarts, all under cover. They would use a van to begin with. In case Voldemort could detect portkeys and apparates. But this van would work like the Knight Bus. After being far away from Voldemort's headquarters they would jump over to Scotland. And then around 10pm they would reach Hogwarts with Order members on brooms watching over the van and scout ahead. With the cover of night they would take him to the infermary where he would stay until healed enough to do things on his own. What would happen after that Dumbledore didn't know or wouldn't say.

Dumbledore had to leave to arrange for the trip as Harry was put back down in his bed. He did feel a lot better physicly but felt mentally sick. He just lay watching the ceiling and windows, wondering what he should do. He didn't want to go back to his old life because he knew that it would never be the same. There was so much he wanted to be different that he would never get in this life.

After a nurse fed him with dinner he was taken to a bathroom. He was amazed by how well made these bathrooms were, even he who could barely use his arms and only had one leg to use could do his needs in there without help. He looked up and noticed a mirror. He'd been avoiding mirrors, scared of what he might see but couldn't resist this time.

He saw the same old green eyes looking back at him, uncontrolled black hair, a pale and really bony face from the starvation he had been through. There were plasters on different places on his face and a bandage going over his forehead around his head. Also covering his old scar.

His chest had some big bandages around it too, holding some ribs in their right positions. His stomach also had plasters and bandages covering wounds and also more scars. His right arm wasn't visible thanks to the cast covering it, he remembered how Bellatrix broke the bones in his right arm both above and below the elbow. His left arm only had cast above the elbow and over it preventing him from bending his arm. His right arm was also positioned with the elbow bent by 90 degrees.

On the front of his throat he noticed had a web of dark red veins.

Later that same day around 7pm Dumbledore returned, there was still an hour until they would leave. Harry again had a pencil and a paper under his right hand. He first thought Dumbledore was going to ask him questions about what had happened during the last months and had again become rather anxious but it was later apparent that Dumbledore wanted him to ask the questions.

After a while during which both of them just watched out into nothing Harry remembered the dream he had last night.

_'Last night I had a dream, in the end I heard your voice and a phoenix singing, was it really you coming into the dream?'_ He wrote and Dumbledore looked down at the paper when hearing the scribbling sound, he smiled softly.

"Ah yes, I was on my way here when I felt someone using Legilimens, I decided to see what was happening and saw that dream Voldemort had planted in you."

_'Was it you who made him leave?'_

"Noo, Harry" he answered and chuckled quietly. "That was you and only you, All I could do was to say things and well, plant some singing from Fawkes in your dream, hoping it would strengthen you. And apparently I was right. You are a lot stronger than you know Harry."

Harry remembered something else he had wondered shortly about when not being occupied with pain during his captivity.

_'Why wouldn't they just use Veritaserum if they wanted to question me?'_

Dumbledore's smile disappeared when he read that question. He had a thoughtful expression before answering.

"I guess that it was mostly because they just did not have Veritaserum. The ingredients are not so easy to come over and the serum itself is a bit hard to make..."

With those words the room went quiet again, Harry just hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't ask him about what had happened there or what Voldemort had been talking about in the dream. Or that he hadn't even joined the dream when Voldemort had talked about Harry walking towards him freely.

He was dozing off as he noticed how more people entered the room. As he looked up again he noticed how Dumbledore stood up, he was talking to two persons.

"Lupin?! Tonks?!" Harry tried to say but craxed, coughed and moaned. He was starting to get really frustrated by this now.

"Wotcher Harry, you shouldn't be talking with that throat" Tonks said as she went over to him with Lupin at her side. She had a black "Wierd Sisters" t-shirt and tight jeans, her usual pink hair and a leather band on her right arm with spikes in it. Lupin had apparently been dressed up like a muggle with clothes Tonks had found because he also had a "Wierd Sisters" t-shirt and jeans. They were both smiling broadley, apparently happy for seeing that Harry was alive.

Harry tried to smile when seeing how funny they both looked but couldn't. Seeing them again just made him think on all the lost time again and how life could have different been for him.

Moony sat down on his knees and tried to hug Harry.

"I'm so glad to see you again" he said quietly. "I thought I had lost you too, so soon after Sirius." Harry felt that his face was a bit wet now. Remus was crying and Harry couldn't do much more than to lie there and do nothing.

Dumbledore put a hand on Lupin's shoulder who rose up again and dried his face with his t-shirt.

"I'm sorry Harry" he said. "I shouldn't have become so emotional" Harry looked back up at Moony's face, showing no feelings at all.

"It's time to get you out of here now, I promise you that I will never let anything like this happen again to you. I will never let you face darkness alone again."

"_Yeah right."_

Harry was soon sitting in a wheelchair with Lupin behind driving it. To his right was Dumbledore walking and to his left was Tonks. They were chatting about something concerning Quidditch, actually it was mostly Tonks and Lupin talking while Dumbledore smiled and sometimes made a remark on what was said.

When they went through the reception Pierre came around and greated them. Dumbledore spoke a perfect french while Lupin staggered a bit and had a rather bad pronunciation, Tonks didn't seem to know a word.

Pierre bid Harry good bye and wished him luck in the future as Harry tried to smile in response but mostly looked up at him.

The van they were taking looked exactly like any muggle van adapted for handicapped people. A dark blue Volkswagen van with a small elevator coming out of the side slide door.

He was driven inside and the wheelchair secured as Tonks took the driver's seat, which surprised Harry. Lupin took the seat to the left of Harry who was still in his wheelchair on the right side by the slider door. It was apparently not an english car judging by how Tonks sat on the left side. Dumbledore took the seat in front of Harry and Tonks drove out from the hospital's grounds. Through the town northwards out on the highway.

Harry sat watching the countryside, not noticing how Lupin was anxiously watching him. He was wondering what had happened to Harry during the past 1.5 months and what was on his mind right now. Actually there was nothing at all going through Harry's mind right now except feelings and impressions. What he felt he didn't know, it wasn't fright, loneliness or hopelesness. But it wasn't happiness or relief either. He felt like he was distanced from the others and like that distance would just grow when meeting his old friends. Even when he would get his voice back the distance would grow. Especially if they would learn what that prophecy said.

The van silently drove on with the atlantic ocean to the left with a sinking sun when suddenly Dumbledore started talking.

"Miss Tonks, I think it is time to go to Scotland now, we are out of reach from Voldemort" Tonks shuddered "and can safely use the apparate function now."

"Sure thing Dumbledore" she answered and pressed a button. The car behaved much like the Knight Bus and quickly jumped with a bang and crashed out on another road in the Scottish Highlands.

"It is just an hour left for Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. There should be some Order members above us on brooms in Invisibility Cloaks by now. We are soon back home and in safety." Dumbledore said.

And they drove on, it was strangely quiet in the car. Dumbledore and Lupin were both gazing out of the windows, ever watchful. But Harry was just watching the countryside going pass them. Feeling as he was just following a life with an already decided future, being dragged through the dust by Destiny, gazing towards the rocky ground in front of him and the rocks he had just left.

The sun had come down in the west as they went quietly through Hogsmeade, through the gate to the grounds and stopped below the stairs of the main entrance. Harry who actually was really sleepy, kept himself awake and watched the castle he had thought he would never see again in his life. Dark, a few lights in different lonely windows, stars and a half moon above. In that big tower to the right was Hermione and Ron sleeping somewhere, not knowing who had just arrived.

Dumbledore and Tonks went out, opened the door. Harry hadn't noticed how everything electronical in the car stopped working when they approached Hogwarts until they started levitating him out of the van. Suddenly four forms emerged out of thin air, taking of their invisbility cloaks. It was Moody, Mundungus, Kingsley and Hestia Jones whom Harry hardly remembered after just meeting her once at the Dursleys last year.

Moody, who was apparently the leader of the scouting group reported to Dumbledore as the others got Harry inside. They levitated him over the stairs to the main entrance and over the first flight of stairs in the entrance hall. It was dark and quiet, much like all those times Harry had been sneaking around at night except that this time he was neither sneaking nor alone.

Tonks lit her wand with a quiet "_Lumos_" and they went through the corridors. After a while they reached the entrance of the Hospital Wing and entered. The lights were lit on the inside and Pomfrey just walked out from her office door, she probably heard them entering.

"Oh my, what have they done to you poor boy" she said as she hurried to them. "Take him to that bed over there Mr Lupin" she said and pointed to a bed on the other end of the room by the windows. Harry was relieved to see no other patients in there.

They were able to levitate him down on the bed and Lupin pushed the wheel chair out of the way.

"Give me some room if you please" she said as she pushed the others away from the bed. "Now let's see" she muttered as she took out her wand. "These muggles has done a good job securing the fractures and wounds I see, but now it's time to heal them. Let's start with your throat, shall we?"

She positioned her wand over Harry's throat, muttered some words and he felt a tingling sensation in it. But then he felt a cough rising and also saw on Pomfrey's expression that it hadn't worked. He couldn't hold the cough down any longer and painfully let it out, noticing how a few drops of blood hit Pomfrey's face.

"Uhm... I'll try to heal your fractures instead, you have to tell me what they exactly did to your throat later." She put the wand over his right arm instead and was just about to say the charm as Moody and Dumbledore entered the room.

"Oh, Moody"Pomfrey said as she saw them entering. "Can you please use that eye of yours and see if I manages to heal any of his bones. Whoever did this to him must have used many different dark curses and items, preventing normal healing."

He growled something in response and looked over Harry's casts as Pomfrey tried again and again to heal him with different charms. Nothing happened. Dumbledore stepped closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should take a rest for tonight and try to find information about the wounds in the morning, it is late and we all are tired. Harry too" He said.

They all scattered and bid eachother good night, Lupin ruffled Harry's hair before leaving for his room and the lights were turned off. Again was Harry lying alone in a dark room but with a window to his left this time. He watched the night sky, grounds and mountains far off before drifting off to sleep.

_He was lying on the wooden table in the torture chamber, wrists and ankles locked down by the shackles. Bellatrix and Rodolphus were there around him and there was another Death Eater standing by the door, it was Acri and he was smiling grimly._

_Harry looked over to his left where Bellatrix stood, holding a scalpel in her hand, bringing it down to his left arm's bare skin._

"_Now then, baby-Potter, talk" she said._

_Harry could recognise this, it was some days before he received the beating the day before receiving the Avada Kedavra of Voldemort. And as the last time Harry didn't say anything._

"_No?" She smiled and brought the knife into Harry's skin, pain. Blood followed in its wake and she lifted the scalpel after a few centimeters, watching the blood running down onto the table with a thirst for more._

_She repeated this procedure some more times on Hary's arms, some lines on his chest and two on his stomach. All accompanied with Harry's groans and their laughter everytime he flinched. The wounds were just left to bleed freely._

_He was scared to hell everytime she used the knives, while lying there he was totally under the mercy of these mad people. Especially now when it was just that couple in here. It felt hard to admit it but he prefered when there were more people during these sessions, it seemed to calm Bellatrix and Rodolphus a bit._

_Bellatrix had more plans this time though as she walked down to Harry's waist._

"_Are you sure that you have nothing to tell us little baby?" she asked as she lowered the knife again. Harry was breathing heavily and felt his heart bumping hard. _"What she's up to?"_ he wondered._

_She lowered the scalpel, started to cut of Harry's short pajamas pants and dragged them off. _

"She wouldn't?!"_ Harry was almost panicking now, he was lying on the table totally naked and the three deatheaters in the room laughed loudly. It was apparently a very funny sight for them._

_She grabbed him on his genitals and Harry gasped, breathing both fast and heavily._

"_Are you really sure you have nothing to tell us?" she asked as she lowered the scalpel again._

_He felt the cold metal touching his skin. _"Nononononono"_ he thought._

"_Speak now or talk like a baby for the rest of your life" Rodolphus said while chuckling. Harry didn't notice it but he had start crying and closed his eyes._

"_Owh, thwe baby cwouldn't tawke any mowe and stawted to cwy" Bellatrix said with her usual taunting baby-voice, there was more laughter._

_Harry's teeths quivered and his whole body trembled, he gave up. There had been enough of this terror to last for entire life times._

"_Wait" he said._

"_Speak up boy" Rodolphus said and Bellatrix squeezed Harry's genitals soflty as Harry inhaled._

"_The prophecy"_

With a craxing scream Harry awoke. It was still night but Pomfrey rushed out of her office anyway.

Harry didn't notice that she hurried to him as he was too occupied remembering what had happened that time. He had tried to push that memory away, had almost managed it too but now it suddenly returned for some reason. He was terrified of them, of remembering how he had been at the mercy of mad people. Able to do anything as it was enjoyable for them.

He remembered that he had told them all about the prophecy, they were amazed to say the least. And that fight in the ministry had been for nothing. Not only had Sirius died because of a mistake made by Harry, but he also died for no reason at all.

They just threw him back into his cell afterwards, where he stayed for three more meals. At the fourth meal, and probably after three days, they gave him back his pants which had been repaired.

Some hours after that, he remembered, they took him out again. The wounds from the scalpel hadn't healed, probably somekind of magic with that too. He remembered how he felt dizzy by the bloodloss that time when they took him back to the chamber again. And this time for a mayor beating. He remembered how they had tied his wrists behind his back, arms to his body and legs together and then just placed him standing in the middle of the room. Crabbe, or was it Goyle? One of them had anyway walked to him and hit him hard in his stomach so he fell over. After that he had placed a knee over his chest, pressing harder and harder. Harry hadn't been able to breath as the Death Eater pressed, in the end a rib snapped. Making Harry to scream out in pain, or at least trying. And then another rib snapped. All while the Death Eaters had laughed loudly.

They were all mad people, hungry for seeing people in pain. Hungry for blood, hungry for being in power over other people in all ways.

Harry looked around and saw through the mist and blur of tears and absence of glasses Madame Pomfrey standing by his bed and checking on him. She looked heartbroken when she saw his face and quickly understood that it was a very dark nightmare and not anything hurting in his body.

She brought him some Dreamless Sleep Potion which he gladly let her pour into his mouth as he swallowed. He thought that he didn't need any more of these dreams. It was enough to have lived it through once, to live it through again and again wasn't anything he wanted.

Again Harry fell asleep and was totally oblivious to the conversation which took place in Dumbledore's office where Pomfrey told him what had just happened, and he decided that somekind of mental healing was required.

--------------------------

_ How can I ever feel again?  
Given the chance would I return?_

Why am I loved only when I'm gone?  
Gone back in time to bless the child  
Think of me long enough to make a memory  
Come bless the child one more time

I've never felt so alone in my life  
As I drank from a cup which was counting my time  
There's a poison drop in this cup of Man  
To drink it is to follow the left hand path 

/From "Bless the Child" by Nightwish


	9. Chapter 9

A/N

It's 01.29 and I'm feeling fine, got home about 25min ago, was a great evening, gonna fix my page tomorrow and upload pictures from this evening and from a lot of Lan-parties.

Tricia-chan – Thanks again, remember, there's some more stuff happening before the story is over.

rosiegirl – actually there is an american equivalant which is your eggtoddy, eggnot or whatever you calls it, but Glögg is red (or white) whine with different nice spices and then the drink is warmed and served in smaller glasses. It's great anyway, and hardly anything you get drunk on, I usually get tired of the drink after 2 glasses (though you'll feel thirsty for more the next day again) :D

Larna Mandrea – You'll see soon, thanks btw.

adrianne2 – One chapter for every day, almost anyway.

Pleione – Thanks again.

_-------------------------------_

_Sunshine..._

Ginny Weasley was sitting on her bed in the Gryffindor's fifth-year girl's Dormitory after a nice night of undisturbed sleep, the first in a long time. It was a sunny day as some had been these late september days.

She checked her almanac and saw that it was the 17th of september, a tuesday. Potions that morning with Snape. She shuddered and then went over to her trunk to get dressed.

She tried not to think about it but so far this year had it been the hardest ever, even if it hadn't been for all the OWL-homework. Almost harder than her first year when she was controlled by Tom Riddle's diary.

First to learn that impossible fact of Harry's death. Everything seemed to stop there, it didn't feel like it was possible. Even after seeing that body, it sure looked like him even though it was heavily mutilated everywhere. She hated to think of how terrible his last moments in life must have been.

Then there were the newspapers all around trying to question her, her family and friends. They even tried to find the small funeral they had. Harry would've liked it, private and small. The same grave as his parents.

It sickened her to learn that he had never known where this grave was and never visited it. It sickened her to know how everything in his life had been so unfair all the time, it sickened her to know that journalists had been trying to ask her family and other friends questions about Harry until they at last got onboard the train to Hogwarts, trying to gain profit by his missfortune. But most of all Draco's behaviour sickened her. He had gone around as he owned the place from the very beginning of the month. Reading newspapers with articles about Harry aloud during the breakfast. Just a week ago some students ambushed him in the corridors. Those who did it hadn't been captured yet but she knew who they were because she was of them. A bunch of DA-members was it who tried a various of spells on him and on his two lifeguards. Unfortunately they recovered quickly in the Hospital Wing but didn't know who had done it, he just suspected who it were and he was close to the truth.

Hermione and Ron had somehow started to comfort eachother and finally admit their true feelings for eachother. A very sad relationship but they were almost never seen without holding their hands. That is except when they have different lessons or sleep.

Ginny herself hadn't accepted Harry's death yet together with many of the others in the house.

As she went down the stairs and through the Common Room she noticed how Professor McGonagall went through the Potrait Hole and walked straight for her when she saw her.

"Meet me outside the Hospital Wing after breakfast" she said quietly. "Don't tell anyone else and don't worry about your first lessons today. Snape knows that you will not come today and why"

Ginny just nodded in response, this was strange but to skip two hours of Potions with Professor Snape was just something you would do almost anything for.

Ginny went down to the Great Hall and glanced over to the Slytherin table as she went pass it. Draco seemed to be more angry than usual and was whispering alot with other Slytherin students, known to be closed to Death Eaters somehow.

She sat with other friends from her class and ate silently, sometimes glancing at the Gryffindor Sixth years. They had taken the last month of the summer harder than anyone else but right now they were just quiet. Sitting there whispering with eachother. She noticed with a glance up on the Teacher's table that Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid and Pomfrey were missing.

After breakfast Ginny went up the main stairs in the Entrance Hall and walked through the corridors alone. She left earlier than others, interested of what McGonagall may want to tell or show her. Maybe it was something about the attack the other day. But judging by how she is even letting her skip a lesson this got to be really important.

When finally reaching the Hospital Wing she noticed how McGonagall was standing there together with Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna who as usual looked like she was there by pure chance. Ginny went over to them and stood by Luna and Neville.

"What's going on?" she quietly asked them but received no response as the door opened a little and Dumbledore squeezed himself out of the room before closing again. He smiled softly as he looked at those gathered in the corridor.

"Ah, I see that you have all come here. It is time McGonagall" he said and McGonagall nodded before opening the door and letting the students into the Hospital Wing.

Ginny was already familiar with this room and wondered what was going on, Hagrid stood by the door on the left side, smiling broadly. What were they supposed to see? There were no one in any beds except in that one on the far side of the room by the window. As she recognised that boy's black hair she instantly started running towards him.

"Harry?!" she screamed as she reached him. He looked up at her and she noticed how he almost looked like a mummy with all bandages. If it wasn't for his facial expression, showing no feelings at all and the seriousness in this situation she would've giggled.

Hermione who was smiling and crying at the same time hurried to Ginny's side while Ron who seemed to be happier than ever came with her. Luna walked with a normal pace to the bed's side and looked like she wasn't surprised at all but she did smile.

Hermione tried to say something but after opening and closing her mouth some times she just tried to hug him. Ginny joined her and noticed that Harry did look rather surprised.

"Harry your joker, you're alive!" Ron said and ruffled his hair as Ginny and Hermione released him. "Won't you say something?"

Harry just looked up at them and said nothing. Expressionless but Ginny noticed sadness in his eyes. The same that was there before the summer.

"He cannot speak because of a curse on his throat" McGonagall said. She had walked into the room too and stood behind them.

"But why won't Madam Pomfrey just heal him?!" Ron asked and McGonagall glared at him.

"Because, Mr Weasley, those wounds has Dark Curses on them, preventing normal Healing Charms to be effective and Madam Pomfrey is just now in the library searching for Counter Curses"

Ginny didn't care much about what was said around her, they continued to ask McGonagall things about where Harry had been, what happened to him, when they got him here. As they talked Ginny looked down on him and noticed how he looked rather annoyed and uncomfortable. Must be annoying to be unable to do anything while people around him are talking about him like he wasn't even there.

He suddenly noticed that Ginny was looking at him and he looked up at her. Ginny felt embarrased and just looked up at the others in the room.

"I'm not surprised to see him alive actually" Luna suddenly said and everyone went quiet and looked at her. Even Harry though he had no need to get quiet.

"I mean, my dad has suspected that he never actually died all the time. That Minister Fudge just arranged his death because, well, everyone knows how much Fudge hates Harry. My dad even wrote an article about it in _The Quibbler_."

Later when they left the Hospital Wing after being told to not mention this to anyone at all, McGonagall confronted Ginny again and told her to follow her to Dumbledore's office. He apperently had something important to tell her. As they left Ginny threw a last glace back at Harry who was again left alone but he should be safe in Hogwarts she thought.

Just two or three minutes later Ginny knocked on Dumbledore's door wondering what he would want. The day felt like the greatest in a long time. Harry was back, things would go back to normal again.

She opened the door as she heard Dumbledore's voice telling her to enter. She entered the circular room with all the strange gadgets on shelves around the walls and went to a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Ah, nice to see you again Miss Weasley, please sit down" he said. "I know you saw Harry in the Hospital Wing" she nodded as she sat down on the chair.

"Good, I have a favour to ask of you."

Ginny stayed quiet, what could Dumbledore possibly ask of her to do for him?

"Harry is, as you surely noticed, severely wounded. If Poppy will not be able to find Counter Curses he will have to be healed with time which would take several months. Anyway, he has been through a terrible time in Voldemort's care. He has had a terrible life and I fear for his mental health. He has taken much of this beating and I fear that it has been too much even for him now, it has been too much for him for a long time."

Ginny looked the old wizard straight in his eyes, she recognised this. Her first year had been an ordeal but she had managed. But Harry had lived through an hell all his life. She had heard about his childhood and what people did to him at home.

"What do you want me to do Professor?" she asked.

"I want you to, after school, if you have time. I know that the fifth year is demanding" he smiled softly. "I want you to go to him and talk to him, open him somehow, let his feelings come out. Show him the light with life."

She understood and nodded. This was important, he had saved her life in the Chamber of Secrets five years ago, now it was her turn to save his life.

"I'll try" she said.

Harry glanced over to his old friends as they left the Hospital Wing. He knew this first meeting with them again had to be hard. They had no idea of what had happened to him, no idea what will happen to him.

Time passed, actually several hours passed before McGonagall suddenly returned again.

"Good Afternoon, Mr Potter" she said. "I have brought some items you would probably appreciate from your trunk."

She went over to his bed and placed his old glasses on his nose. Suddenly all the blur disappeared, Harry had almost forgotten after being without glasses for so long how it was to be able to see again.

"After you disappeared we were able to get all your belongings from the Dursleys, Mr Moody assisted with finding everything with his eye. I'm putting your wand here on your bedside table even if you will not be able to use it. It is always a comfort to know where you have it."

She put his old wand on the bedside table with a hint of a smile and put his quill, ink bottle and a bit of parchment besides it.

"This is if you want to communicate somehow, just give a hint to the visitor that you want to write something and you will have this in your hand. I have to go now, I'm going to send for Dobby to bring you some food, I expect he will be most pleased to see you again, he has been somewhat down lately."

Again a smile hinted on her face as she left the room.

Harry lay and watched the grounds through his window for some hours. Groups of students moved over it every now and then. He could see them reach Hagrid's hut and having a lesson with him. Bending his head a little he could even see the greenhouses and some student groups going to and from them.

Harry thought back on his meeting with Hagrid earlier that day, he had never seen him so happy and still so emotional intense. He hadn't really said anything audible but Harry knew somehow that if it wasn't for that man he wouldn't had managed the past years.

As he looked around he suddenly looked straight into a pair of familiar big eyes.

"Mr Harry Potter sir!" Dobby said loudly.

Harry again forgot his throat as he by old habit tried to shout "Dobby!" but instead coughed painfully.

"Harry Potter sir shouldn't be talking with a throat like yours. Dobby usually uses a good pint of Butter Beer to help Dobby's throat."

He suddenly looked around as if he had forgotten something when he noticed a tray he had left on the empty bed right of Harry's. He lifted it and out it on Harry's bed instead and smiled broadly as his ears flapped.

"Dobby brings good Harry Potter food so he can regain his strengths and continue to be the good Harry Potter sir."

Harry actually managed a smile at this, Dobby had always been a bit amusing for Harry, except when he had tried to stop him from getting to school before his second year.

Soon it was made apparent that Dobby had been given orders to feed Harry much to his annoyance. He tried to resist and eat himself, but all he managed was to moan negativily while Dobby, with many "Harry Potter sir must eat" was able to let Harry lower his garde and be fed.

Maybe an hour later when Dobby had left with the tray Harry continued to watch the grounds through his window. Throughts started going through his mind again.

"_As I expected everyone wants it to be as it was before again, will they ever understand that nothing will ever be as it was before again? Not since Sirius died and I heard that damn prophecy. Not even Dumbledore who has heard the prophecy understands that I have actually nothing to live for."_

Harry slowly dozed as he lay wondering about what would happen after he was healed, what he should do then.

He came back to reality again by hearing how the door opened, it was Ginny who entered. She scanned the room and saw Harry looking at her, she blushed slowly as she closed the door and walked to his bed.

"Uhm, Hello" she said as she sat down on a chair standing by his bed.

"_What is she doing here now?"_

"You wouldn't understand why I'm here, actually I can't really understand myself, but anyway" she smiled and blushed some more.

"_God she's cute when being like that. What the hell am I thinking?"_

"Actually it was Dumbledore who told me to come here now, uhm, I did agree on it."

"_She's babbling..."_

"He wanted me to just talk to you somehow, ah well I don't know. He actually wants me to be like one of those psychologists the Muggles have. Actually I have no idea where to start but a promise is a promise and I had to get here anyway."

There was an unsettling silence as Ginny stopped talking. Then she noticed the parchment and quill on the bedside table. She giggled quietly and mumbled as she put the quill, now with ink on it, in Harry's right hand and the parchment under.

"Didn't notice those when I sat down and here I've been sitting babbling and you haven't been able to do anything at all."

"So, if there's anything on your mind then write, maybe..." she hesitated. "Maybe tell me what happened to you..."

"_I should've seen this coming."_

Harry was just watching the wall on the other side of the room as Ginny watched him, waiting for a response. She worried that she had gone too far there and Harry was trying to think of what happened at the same time as he was supressing the memories.

_'Why not tell me what happened while I was gone?'_ he wrote.

Harry was soon listening to Ginny while she told him maddening things that happened. She jumped over stuff like Death Eater-attacks and news about him and told him instead of the more nicer things. Like how Hermione and Ron finally got together, apparently the whole school knew about it just after the train ride.

Harry didn't really listen so intensly, it was just nice lying there listening to her voice talking about nicer things than what was still fresh in his memory.

She told him how they had all come together in the Grimmauld Place after he disappeared, even Hermione's parents. Seems like Hermione told them exactly what had been happening the last two years and they followed her to the headquarters both by fear of attacks and by their love for her.

It was there that Hermione and Ron finally got together. Their way of managing the darkness, Ginny admitted that she was thankful that the Twins also lived there during that time. They have the ability to make the most darkest times brighter.

After an hour she said that she had to leave. Tons of homework she said and Harry remembered the beginning of his fifth year, with Umbridge.

Soon Dobby came back again with Dinner and this time Harry didn't resist though he still felt really silly being fed by an House Elf like he was a toddler.

The hours passed as the sun went lower and lower and Pomfrey came and went. Checking on him, telling him that she had had no success yet of finding anything about Dark Curses delivering just these symptoms.

Soon it was night again and Harry had just been another day in this so called "freedome", this time at what he usually calls home. He had never felt further from home than he had done this day. Maybe the next day would bring differences but he knew better and didn't hope on anything better.

Suddenly Harry woke up by hearing a creeking door. He had dozed of without even noticing it. The main door was ajar but no one was to be seen and not a sound was heard except the distant hooing of owls.

Suddenly pain struck Harry's stomach, as if someone hit him hard. Harry almost expected to wake up from a dream and discovering that the rescue had never happened and they had just taken him for torture again. But that didn't happen, instead people appeared out of thin air as they threw of their Invisibility Cloaks.

The sight was frightening to say the least for Harry when being in his position. It was Draco he noticed first, sided by Crabbe and Goyle. But it was also Pansy Parkinsson, Theodore Nott and Millicent Bulstrode. It was Millicent who had hit him hard in his stomach the rest had their wands out and Draco was also holding a dagger in his left hand.

"Why why, look at this, Scarface lies here with a lot more scars than when I saw him last time" Drace said and smiled at his own joke.

"Now let's see, I wanted to to get you for getting my Dad to Azkaban and what happens? My Dad owls me about you, this dagger you see Potthead is a Portkey. Just stick it into you somewhere and activate it. I could've even have sent Crabbe or Goyle to do that, but we wanted some prestige with the Dark Lord you know. To deliver you to him will make him look kindly at us in the future, to bad he wants to kill you himself, it'd be a pleasure for us to do that. Let me remind you again of what I said about joining the right sides six years ago, look at where your choice brought you now, don't blame me though I tried to tell you to make wise decisions."

Suddenly Crabbe punched Harry's broken right leg. Harry groaned by the pain but couldn't decide if he should try to groan loud in case anyone would hear him or if he would be as quiet as possible to not sastify the Slytherins.

Harry looked up at Draco's dagger as he put it in his right hand and prepared to put it into Harry.

He couldn't decide what he wanted, to be killed fastly or still be alive away from Voldemort. Maybe death now soon would be a better choice and all this buying time is just silly. He tried to mentally prepare himself for the coming pain wherever Draco would put the dagger and for the pain by feeling how Nagini bite and the poison killing him.

Suddenly there was a striking pain in the flesh of his left leg above his knee. He groaned loudly and saw how the others smiled and snickered.

The handle of the dagger was sticking out of the sheets on his left leg which was being coloured red by blood.

Pansy brought her wand closer to the dagger in what seemed like an eternity when it was just a second.

"_Good bye illusions of freedome and safety, good bye the good life which I never had and would never have. Hello destiny, I'm back again"_

As Pansy opened her mouth the doors slammed open and several "_Stupefy_" were heard as several red lights shoot at the Slytherins.

A/N   
Whops, cliffie again, man I hate that Draco bastard. Though he would never just be inactive with this opportunity. Man... am I sleepy, it's 02.07 and I went up around 8 today, as every other day this week except for Tuesday, when I went up at 06.00, at last weekend... ahhhhh falls asleep in front of his computer


	10. Chapter 10

A/N  
Man, I'm really happy for all your comments, especially for my first fic (first long text ever, except for shorter stories written in school in the past). Comments on your reviews have been moved to the end of the chapter, many other writers here do it that way and I think It's better for you to first read the chapter and then when feeling thirsty for more can read some comments. Enjoy :)

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The red flashes hit the Slytherin students one by one in that instant of a second and they all fell to the floor each with their distinct "bomp".

Through the door went Dumbledore, McGonagall, Pomfrey, Lupin, Flitwick and Moody, they all entered the room and started checking on the stunned as Pomfrey started checking on Harry.

"This was clumsy of you Dumbledore" Moody growled. "You knew these still lived here and that they were in contact with Death Eaters. You forget to have constant vigilance."

"On the contrary Moody" he answered. "I took a risk by only putting up warning wards, that is true. But I knew we could not have these running around all the time. These students are just the reason why Slytherin can not befriend themselves with the other Houses."

Harry himself didn't care about what was said around him, he tried reaching down to the dagger in his left leg to pull it out.

"No no Harry, don't pull it out "Pomfrey said. "It's stopping the bloodflow right now and keeping the wound under control."

"_That's a Portkey to Voldemort damnit! I'm not letting that be in me and if I die by pulling it out here peacefully then that's just so much better."_

Harry was able to reach it with his left hand while the arm hurt like hell and he felt how pain was pulsating with his heartbeat in the leg. He seized it, pull it out fast and let his head fall back to the pillows as the dagger was dropped on the floor and blood poured out of his leg in an alarming rate.

Panic struck around him as he felt dizzy and sleepy. He let sleep overcome him as he could see how the shadows around him started working.

"_I probably won't die now, too many good Wizards and Witches around but it was worth a try anyway."_

Everything went black.

Harry opened his eyes slowly, still in the Hospital Wing but day now. Morning or something, the sheets were still bloody around his left leg but there were no more Slytherins around his bed. Dumbledore was there though and had just noticed that Harry was awake. He looked really worried.

"Harry... I'm sorry" he said. "I knew it was risky to just have Warning Wards up but to tell you the truth I did not expect Voldemort to act so quickly. I did not want you to get hurt any more."

"_Yeah so you said the last time too, and the times before that, I guess you thought so before sending me to the Dursleys too, just leave."_

Harry looked up at Dumbledore's sad and worried face saw how he suddenly looked even more worried and confused. Without saying any more he just left the room. If Harry had seen himself there in that instant he would've been scared. What Dumbledore saw was a hatred in Harry's eyes much similar to Tom Riddle's when he looked upon him the last time.

Harry noticed after Dumbledore left that the wound on his left leg was totally healed, it didn't hurt a bit any more.

The day went on much as the previous day except there were no more visits. McGonagall came later during the day and Harry asked (wrote on his parchment) about what happened with Draco and his pals.

She told him that they were to be prosecuted and hopefully not saved by Voldemort's Death Eaters. Though she said You-Know-Who as many others still does. This would mean that the secret of Harry's return would not stay secret for much longer which troubled him. Enough to have mad people after him all the time and no life of his own but to be watched over by annoying medias again was disturbing to say the least.

Dobby of course returned again for breakfast and later for lunch. He was really aghasted about what had happened last night which someone of course had told him.

Later that same afternoon Ginny of course came again this time with the _Daily Prophet._

"Hey again" she said and sat down. Her facial apperance wasn't as it was yesterday, today it looked more worried and a bit sad.

"I heard about what happened last night" she said and watched the wall.

"_Oh great"_

"And you should know that it leaked out somehow judging by how it appeared in the _Daily Prophet_ this morning."

She unfolded the newspaper and started reading.

"_Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived still lives._ They have written about how Draco and his "gang" were arrested for attacking you and that you was probably saved the other day from Voldemort. They still don't know how, neither do any of us but the fact is that soon it'll be swarming with journalists here and students who wants to see you."

She looked up and looked straight at him and smiled softly.

"There is one good thing about all this though, you know what that is?"

Harry shook his head.

"The Wizarding world has regain its sense of hope again though it's at the cost of your privacy, again."

Harry already knew this but hadn't given the posibility of a sense of hope one thought. He knew that the sense of hope was just an illusion.

"Oh Harry, can't you just tell me what's on you mind?" she asked as she reached for the parchment and quill. Harry just turned his head and watched the grounds through the window and stopped caring about Ginny who sat and watched him for maybe five more minutes before sighing and leaving.

Time went by and suddenly Pomfrey and McGonagall entered the room with the same wheelchair they got from that french hospital.

"Uhm" McGonagall said. "We have decided to move you from the Hospital Wing now when people knows about your state. We cannot keep people out of here for a long time and soon there is going to be other patients here. You need some peace and quiet to heal."

And as said was Harry soon was on the wheelchair again and taken through the castle's corridors with Moody and McGonagall as an escort while Pomfrey drove the wheelchair.

She told him how she had found a trace in the books and would probably soon have Counter Curses for Harry which actually made him feel a bit hope. He knew that being without all the casts and bandages would be a relief, a big one. To be able to move as he wished again. Something he hadn't done for soon two months.

He was soon lying in a bed in a room in the lower parts of the north tower. Watching the grounds through a window.

This was probably an unused teacher room he had been given, far away from where anyone else goes. Except those knowing that he was lying there alone of course. As Dobby who entered soon again and Harry wished that Pomfrey could hurry up with finding the cure. He was sick of being helpless all the time. Soon though as the sun sank deeper in the west Pomfrey returned. She almost slammed the door open and had a huge grin on her face.

"I got it!" she yelled. "You Mr. Potter are going to be healed once more by me and this time by a spell I had to mix together myself."

She dragged up a chair and sat down by Harry's bed while taking out her wand.

"All the Counter Curses I was able to find was all very painful and always left after effects but this one may be a bit painful of course but leaves no after effects and will feel really refreshing in the end."

She pulled up the arms of her robe and prepared to cast her spell.

"I did have to calculate a lot though to mix the right amount of every power and the healing spell I'm using."

She smiled down at Harry who felt a bit worried and thought on those times when his guard healed him after torture, always in a painful way. Pomfrey chanted something in Lathin and Greek which almost sounded like a poem for him and moved around her wand over him.

First he felt a warm sensation in his stomach where Pomfrey's Wand pointed. The sensation spred over his body and was more concentrated around his throat and broken bones. Then Suddenly it felt like a roaring fire which intensified. Harry groaned and twisted but Pomfrey held the spell on him. Always saying softly "Almost there, just a little more."

Then suddenly the heat stopped and it felt like he was cooling down. He felt relief and refreshed as he also noticed that a constant aching he'd had for a long time also disappeared.

"You should be able to talk now" Pomfrey said. "That nasty web of veins on your throat has disappeared anyway and your bones should be healed, let me run a few Scanning Spells over those first before removing any casts and bandages."

Harry looked up at Pomfrey but now when he at last could talk again he didn't know what to say. First he swallowed a lot of phlegm he had in his unused throat and mouth before trying anything.

"Thanks" he muttered and one of his lips curled upwards in a small smile. He could talk again at last.

"Now let's see" Pomfrey muttered as she moved her Wand over Harry's body. "Everything seems to have healed..."

She took out a sharp scissor and started cutting off the casts and then the bandages before removing the plasters one by one. When she had finished Harry tried moving his arms and leg again. He sat up and tried standing up too with the help of Pomfrey supporting him.

"There, look at you, almost as good as new" she said.

"_Almost?"_

"Well, I have to hurry off to report that I was successful to Professor Dumbledore. I'll be back in a few minutes to examine you more."

And soon Harry was standing in his room alone again. Wondering what would happen now. Would they return him to school again? Would he get special training to find his "secret power"? Or would they just hide him while they fought the Death Eaters themselves?

Harry looked towards the window again longing for another life as he had done so often the last months and noticed something lying on his bedside table. The long sharp scissor Pomfrey had used before and must have left there while helping him to stand up.

Harry grabbed the scissor and looked at the sharp point of it. He felt with his unused left hand on his chest and found a spot between two ribs infront of his heart. He took the scissor in both hands and pointed it at that point. Hesitating, wondeing about a world where he didn't live, thinking.

"_What am I doing? Suicide? Is it really necessary? What will happen if I continue to live? Voldemort will probably just find me again somehow and will kill me straight on. Or will he? He'd had the chance twice already to kill me without anyone stopping him. Next time they capture me all the wounds are healed again and I'm as fresh as new. As mad as they are they will probably torture me into madness again before killing me painfully. I don't want that, I don't want my memories and I don't want my future."_

Harry moved the scissor some more centimeters away from his chest and then thrust it straight in. It went on in, scraping the rib a little and went straight into his heart. It was painful to say the least and Harry fell down on his knees as he watched how blood pumped out from the wound. He released the scissor and watched his now bloody hands, a tear dropped from his chin and hit his hand, mixing itself with the blood. Everything went dark and he fell on his side.

"_Mum, dad, here I come."_

--------------------------

_Time it took the most of me  
And left me with no key  
To unlock the chest of remedy  
Mother, the pain aint hurting me  
But the love that I feel  
When you hold me near_

The hopes were high  
The choirs were vast  
Now my dreams are left to live through you  


/From "Higher Than Hope" by Nightwish

Again Ginny woke up in her bed after a calm night. Not knowing what had happened in the north tower. It was the 19th of September now, a Thursday. The last two days seemed like they had passed in slow motion thanks to Harry being back though she'd had no success at all with opening him. If Pomfrey would just be able to make him talk again then it would probably be easier for him.

She was soon sitting in the Great Hall again and the mood was much happier than it had been any other day. The most evil Slytherins were gone and The-Boy-Who-Lived was hidden and safe somewhere in the castle. Healing from the past months of torment.

As Ginny left the Hall McGonagall came up to her and told her to follow her to Dumbledore's office again.

Ginny thought that he probably just wanted to ask her how her "psychology sessions" were going but never expected what he would say as she sat down infront of his desk.

"Yesterday was Madam Pomfrey successful with healing all Harry's wounds except the most grave scars" he said first.

"Oh? That's great!" Ginny answered enthusiaticly and wondered why Dumbledore was so serious.

"Well, that was great news for me too but when Pomfrey came to get me and we entered his room we..." he went quiet.

"Madam Pomfrey must have left the scissor she used to cut of the casts and bandages in the room." Ginny didn't like where this was heading. "He attempted to commit suicide with it but Pomfrey and I were lucky and were fast enough to enter his room just moments after he did it."

Ginny just sat there and watched Dumbledore as he talked. Harry had escaped Voldemort's fingers yet again, escaped certain death and now he tried to finish the work Voldemort started by himself?

"Apparently Harry's mental condition is much worser than we ever expected. I would appreciate if you went to him now. We were able to bring him back to life during the night but he refused to say anything. It was as if he was angry that we saved his life."

"But I think he trusts you more than anyone else, if you were able to confront him. To make him say why he does not want to live and then convince him that life is still worth living. Even for him. He must live on, all hangs on that."

Ginny nodded and understood clearly. They had just lived through his death once but to imagine the effects on the world if the newspapers said that he commited suicide then everything would collapse.

While walking through the corridors she thought about what strategy she should use. Time was not an issue today as she didn't have to go to any of her lessons but to sit there with a boy who wants to die more than anything in the world was nothing she looked forward to.

Ginny decided on attacking the issue straight on. Not walking around the question, not making him open himself slowly but to crash it on him. Suddenly she looked up and saw the door to his room.

She lifted her hand, hesitated and then knocked. Not a sound came from inside and she knocked again.

"Leave me alone!" someone yelled from the inside. At first Ginny didn't even recognise the voice but it was Harry she understood soon. She had just never heard his voice sounding like that, angry and sad at the same time. Heartbreaking.

She opened the door and entered. Harry was lying on his bed watching the roof and threw a glance at Ginny as she entered.

"So has Dumbledore sent you to talk with me again?" he asked.

"I actually came here by my own free will when he asked me if I wanted to" she answered.

Suddenly Harry sat up and stared at her. He was so thin and pale. His eyes looked haunted, mad, sad. He was wearing his old glasses _"He just gotta buy new ones"_ and one of the Hospital Wing's pajamases.

"Your own free will?" he snorted. "Yeah right good one, free will, not everyone has that luxury."

"_What is this rubbish he's talking about?"_

"Of course everyone has a free will" she said.

Harry suddenly stood up and walked closer to her.

"Yeah? Then I happen to be either a nutter or the only one without free will on this whole bloody world, or I'm both! I can't even take own decisions in my own goddamn LIFE without someone stopping me, controlling me, taking my free will all the time!"

Ginny was feeling anger rising, she had never seen him this furious. Of course she heard him in the Grimmauld Place last summer but to confront him like this.

"Is this what everything is about?! You own free will?! Is that why you tried to commit suicide?!" She asked with a rising voice.

Harry fell silent and just stood still in front of her.

"No" he muttered.

"No? Then what is it? And you better tell me because I'm not leaving until you have said it!"

He looked up at her. Opening his mouth slowly and then closing it again.

"_So he won't tell me without a fight, well then."_

She went over to the door and locked it with a spell. She knew that Dumbledore had taken Harry's wand so he wouldn't try anything again and the only way out was now with Ginny's wand.

"All right, tell me or I won't open this door and the only way out of here is through me or that locked window" she pointed at the window.

Harry looked back and forth and then stared intently at Ginny.

"All right, you wanna know why I don't want to live anymore?"

"Right."

An evil and scary smile crept up on Harry's face.

"This is a long one" he snorted again. "And starts with how Voldemort killed my parents. How then Dumbledore didn't care about my wellfare in any way except that no one would be able to kill me while I was living with the Dursleys. He didn't care at all what a hell I went through. And then, ah yeah, Sirius came, a bit of family at last. Sure your family was nice and accepting me and everything I appreciate that but I wanted a family of my own. MY OWN PARENTS! But hell, my own mistake led to his death while I've just lived through a whole year of ridiculing! But that's not all, you know what Dumbledore told me in his office after that incident in the Department of Mysteries..." He suddenly went quiet as if he had said too much.

"What did he say?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing, nothing important except what that bloody Prophecy was all about! All you need to know is that with that prophecy I knew that I don't even have a future of my own. My childhood was stolen from me by Voldemort and Dumbledore! I don't have a future and the life I have now is just plain hell all the fucking time!"

Harry took a step towards Ginny, looking really aggressive, raising his hands and gesticulating wildly.

"And another thing, while being captured by Voldemort they tortured me into saying things, I tried to resist but once they went too far and I told them the whole Prophecy and now Sirius has died for no reason at all!"

"Don't you see? If I stay on living people around me are going to die one by one until he gets to me again, then he's going to torture me and in the end let his pet snake blow me full with her poison before disposing of me! If I die now then I at least has done something by my own goddamn free will! Against what everyone wants, against what the Prophecy says!"

"But it's not against Voldemort's will!" Ginny suddenly yelled, her eyes filling with tears and Harry laughed.

"Oh no, it's not, though he probably wants to kill me himself but maybe it's time I did something Voldemort wanted instead of what everyone else wants me to do."

"Dumbledore wants me alive because he wants me to defeat Voldemort" Ginny was stunned. "Everyone else wants me alive because they just wants me around but isn't it time THEY cared about what I WANT and not me caring about what everyone ELSE WANTS!"

"Don't you see that I!" he grabbed a vase on the table "HAVE!" He thrust it backwards "NOTHING!" He threw it towards the window "MORE!" It crashed against it "TO LIVE FOR!"

He suddenly sat down on his knees and put his face in his hands and started sobbing. He was sitting on the floor as a small ball, crying and Ginny just stood and watched him as feelings she didn't relly understand went through her mind.

She suddenly hurried over to him and sat down, holding him in a hug.

"You are wrong" she whispered.

"Wha's that?" he said through sobs.

"You're wrong about some things, and I at least don't want you to live just because I want you around or I want you to defeat V-Vo-Voldemort, and you do have something to live for because... I love you."

--------------------

A/N

rosiegirl – Thanks yet again :)

captuniv – The story has more important aspects to follow than those kids, maybe in a continuation of the fanfic, who knows. Would never have liked to write about them anyway, but it's true, no easy time is facing them now, assualt is no small offence, thanks for your comment too btw.

adrianne2 – You should just know how much love seeing that kind of comments :D

Pleione – And here it comes as promised.

Priscilla Ryu – It's always fun to write, gotta start on my next fanfic soon though. A bit dark too, a bit funny and from a new character whom I'll create but still in the hp-world. A great and vercatile world to write fanfics to.

Lady of Masbolle – It's Nightwish btw :D , and they are from Finland, I saw in your story "The Journal of Gwynonwyn" that you quoted Evanescence songs though, have a few from those though I'm not crazy about them as with many of the symphonic and goth metal groups I'm listening to.

Tricia-chan – Man, it's sure funny to see how I can arouse strong feelings for people. I've started liking this writing-and-getting-good-response experience.

James And Lily 4eva – Understood and soon done.

Englishgirl – Yeah, poor guy, at that point of that chapter I was myself wondering how to get him back again, inspiration struck and I wrote that down, hope you like it though. Three chapters left after this one.

kazumi – MOAHAHAAA, cliffies is teh evilness, or something, man now my computer-nerdy-gamer-sides are showing themselves, just you wait until I'm starting to talk with just physic-words.

Hmmm, one girl in a swedish-page wrote that she started crying in the end of this chapter, I wonder what you'll say. Poor boy, bottling everything up before the drop makes it pour over comes, just like me though I have a lot smaller bottle :D


	11. Chapter 11

Hmmm, annoying pause that was, but important. Two days of not being able to upload nor review, hehe, but upgrades are really nice. Hope they are working well too :)

My left arm his hurting now though, not thanks to the paus, more to the snow which arrived during the weekend, and I had to shovel really heavy and wet snow on monday, and it rained... man was I wet. And don't tell me it would've just melted, because the night comes early at this time of the year (around 16.00 and 17.00) and all that wet snow would have just freezed during the night, making it impoosible to walk anywhere next day without breaking bones :D

Anyway, I noticed while reading a lot other fanfics during the pause, many authors (all?) have disclaimers in every chapter, and I only had it in the first one... ah well, I'll have one here again.

I do not own Harry Potter and things revolving around that world which was created so masterly by J K Rowling. Savy?

---------------------

Soaring through the air a bird came, an white owl. She wasn't carrying a letter or anything at all, she just sensed a presence she hadn't sensed in soon two months. The owner was back at the castle and it was time to meet him again.

The owl had been living in the Owlery of Hogwarts ever since her owner disappeared and now she was flying north and descending somewhat. There the window was. It was noon, a calm and beautiful day in late september with students around on the grounds below.

She landed on the windowpane and looked in, there he was sitting together with that redhaired girl. They both was sitting on the floor with their backs against the bed, having their arms around eachother.

Her owner had his face down in the redhaired girl's shoulder but was easy recognised by his jet black hair which was more unkept than usual. She started picking on the window to get their attention.

Harry looked up when he suddenly heard a familiar picking on the window. His face felt crispy after all the dried tears but he felt easier again. Felt like the whole world wasn't resting on just his shoulders anylonger.

He didn't know how long he and Ginny had been sitting there now, must have been at least an hour. But now he noticed the familiar white form outside the window.

"Hedwig?!" Harry yelled and hurried over to the window, trying to open it and forgetting it was locked. He struggled for a short while with the opening mechanism before giving up and exclaiming "Sorry mate, you'll have to fly back to the Owlery, I'll come by tomorrow".

She seemed to have understood him and took off flying around the tower as Ginny came up behind Harry.

"It's a beautiful bird you have, and smart."

"Yeah."

"You know what she did that night you disappeared? She flew straight to our home before we went to the Headquarters, then Professor Dumbledore took her to Hogwarts and she's been living here since then."

Ginny suddenly giggled.

"One of the students tried using her for a mail but ended up in the Hospital Wing, his hands neeeded quite some healing but it was nothing permament" she said and started giggling again.

A muscle in Harry's face twitched, moving his lips upwards a little but he just continued to watch the grounds.

"I never thought about Hedwig when I was gone" he suddenly said and Ginny was startled.

She did open him enough earlier to talk about his feelings but he had never ever said anything about what happened when he was gone. She certainly did not expect him to start talking about it this quickly.

He turned around and watched Ginny in her eyes.

"But among many those things I did think about I thought that it was good they went for me alone and didn't try to get to me through my friends"

He watched the grounds through the window again.

"I didn't want to lose anyone close to me again as I did with Sirius"

"_I don't like where this is heading"_ Ginny thought.

"But now I don't know" he said as he leaned against the window. "I still don't want to lose anyone close, but I won't survive without anyone close either, I don't know what I want anylonger... Except that if he comes for you I'd give myself up freely to him, making sure that he'd let you go before I'd let him kill me."

There was silence but then Ginny sighed and put her arms around a startled Harry.

"I wish you could tell me what happened" she said.

"Are you really sure you wanna hear?" he answered.

"No... But you can't let all that stay in you nagging, as you let all those things you told me before stay inside you, breaking you as more was added."

"I'm... I'm not ready yet"

Everything that happened him was still too fresh in his mind, sure he didn't have the same longing for death anylonger but he was afraid that if he started telling Ginny what happened he would just break down and cry as before. And he didn't want to scare her again.

"How come that old feelings for me surfaced?" Harry suddenly asked, embarrasing Ginny. "Not that I don't like them, which I actually do" He quickly corrected himself as he turned around to face Ginny again.

"I've actually felt some attachment to you since last christmas myself" he continued. "Since your dad was attacked and you reminded us all of what happened to you during your first year when I thought I was possessed by him."

Ginny looked up, he was opening himself even more. And still taking it so calm.

"Actually it was when you disappeared when I felt something special" she answered. "I-I started feeling a longing for you. Like the old crush on you never went away and suddenly surfaced when you were really gone."

Harry suddenly smiled, a very weak and small smile but it was something.

"What about your other boyfriends?" he asked and couldn't believe that he was asking a girl about her boyfriends.

Her face blushed and Harry felt these flip flops in his stomach he hadn't felt since seeing Cho Chang for more than a half year ago before their catastrophic date in Hogsmeade.

"Well... They were like hit'n'run targets"

"What? Are we just hit'n'run targets for girls nowadays?" Harry said as he smiled more. Looking at Ginny's face made his problems disappear for a while, making him feel alive again.

Ginny suddenly laughed and threw her arms around Harry's waist, totally surprising him.

"Of course not, just until we find someone who is worth staying with." she said while hugging him. Harry surprised himself by putting his arms around her body and resting his head on top of her head.

Ginny was sitting on her usual spot in the Common Room that same evening . She had just left Harry after sitting with him in his room for several more hours. She thought that it was best if she started doing her homework. Especially now after missing all of today's lessons. She felt happy but still sad, happy because she had finally gotten through to Harry, sad because of his sadness, like he had put some of the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She hadn't thought it possible for someone being on the "good side" to hate Dumbledore. But apparently he hates both Voldemort and Dumbledore, like he got trapped in the middle, between two sides and fights his own war. In a way allied with one side and having the same goals as that side.

Ginny woke from her thoughts as she heard some approaching footsteps. As she looked up she saw Ron and Hermione walking towards her from the other end of the common room. She noticed they were holding their hands so she smiled at them and they blushed a bit.

"We heard that you were gone all day" Hermione said.

"Yeah, probably with one 'Harry'" Ron said with a smile, always going straight to the point.

Ginny blushed and smiled at them some more.

"Well..." she said and thought about how much about what had happaned she should tell them. Harry probably didn't want people to know about his problems and personal feelings, he had trusted that to her alone. And anyone could be listening here in their common room she thought as remembering stories by Rita Skeeter in her third year. Though Ginny had reported the less personal details to Dumbledore. He understood a lot by just hearing a little, she suspected that he could see alot on her expression or maybe even read her clearest thoughts.

"He's healed now, well physicly anyway" she continued. "But his memories are troubling him."

The couple sat down on the couch in front of Ginny.

"'His memories are troubling him'?" Ron said "Bloody hell, who wouldn't be troubled by coming back after one and a half month with You-Know-Who."

"Language Ron" Hermione scolded and he just smiled back at her.

Ginny didn't say anything, she felt bad herself for knowing how Harry must've had it during that time, it was her job to bring him back to normality.

Suddenly she was brought back to reality by Ron who tried to talk to her.

"Oy, Gin, you hear me?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah I hear you" she answered with a smile.

"Didn't look like that, anyway, it's Hogsmeade-time this Saturday, try dragging Harry with us, it'll probably do him some good."

"I'm not sure about that Ron" Hermione suddenly said. "It would do him some good if it wasn't for all the reporters being stationed there since his survivak leaked out, and not to mention Death Eaters lurking around. They'd do anything to get him back to Voldemort for prestige." Ron flinched almost unnoticable by hearing the name.

"Maybe he'd come under his Invisibility Cloak, and probably with an Auror around too." Ginny thought out loud. "I'll ask him tomorrow anyway but I wouldn't hope so much on him coming with us."

Said and done, next afternoon, a friday, were she and Harrry sitting on his bed, side by side with eachother. He was now dressed in normal clothes again. She tried not to think about when it was he actually had real clothes on himself last time.

They were both leaning against the wall which was on one side of the bed. Harry had mostly been idling and not really listening to Ginny that hour she'd been there. He remembered hearing something about Ron becoming the new Quidditch Captain in his absence, Ginny switched position to Chaser apparently but he didn't care about who the new members were. No games had been played yet though.

They probably wanted him back again and Harry himself wouldn't deny that he also wanted to be flying again. The life long Quidditch ban was lifted long ago during the summer. He longed for the feeling of relief and freedome which always washed over him when flying, forgetting his life for a while.

"You want to follow us to Hogsmeade this weekend by the way?" Ginny suddenly asked.

Hogsmeade, he would love to go there again, but Dumbledore had warned him about it. Reporters and Death Eaters, what strange things for a teenager to be scared of.

And then all the students around him, looking at him, his friends behaving strange around him. These lonely sessions with Ginny were okay, but to actually be out there, trying to get back to normal with Voldemort still after him more than ever. With no way to escape his destiny.

He couldn't think about going back to lessons again, it felt so abnormal after these last two long months. Dumbledore had so far let him decide for himself when he felt ready to go back to school, but it'd be within the next two weeks. It scared him, he just wanted to sit there in his bed, watch Ginny as she talked to him. Read books, watch the grounds through the windows.

His door wasn't locked anylonger after Ginny got him to talk the day before this. But he didn't feel like walking around the castle either, with all the students around. He was hoping on being able to get out of his room when most of the students were at Hogsmeade, he'd be able to withstand the stares from first and second year-students.

"I'd like to, but I'll probably stay here" he finally answered Ginny. "There's still too many reporters..." he trailed off and went quiet again, watching the wall.

Not much more was said that afternoon before Ginny left, the sun went down as Harry read another book.

Actually Dumbledore wanted Harry to write in a book his thoughts and feelings to get it out of him. Harry had considered this idea for maybe ten seconds before putting away the book and finding another book.

The evening went on as Dobby came in with som supper for Harry and he went to bed yet again. Feeling calmer than ever.

Ginny walked down the main street in Hogsmeade with some friends from her class the next day. She wondered about what she could buy for Harry. _"A Quidditch book? Nah he already have so many. Somekind of book? Somekind of special item?"_

Ginny got separated from her friends as she saw a small store with muggle clothes and items. Not a usual sight in a Wizarding town but wizards and witches needs to learn how to dress like a muggle and how they are, especially when living on a world with a majority of muggles and still trying to be secret.

She thought that he needed something, somekind of clothes fitting just him, not those hand-me-downs from the giant of a cousin Harry had.

She entered the store and walked through shelf after shelf with all kinds of strange clothes. She always thought muggles always used usual pants and shirts and grown ups always used suits exactly like grown up wizards mostly uses robes even while being amongst muggles.

But here were all kinds of clothes, even clothes looking like they came directly from somekind of muggle Dark Lord. Big leather bracelets with spikes, t-shirts with skulls and other pictures, reminding her of the Dark Mark. When she got passed the clothes section she found music recorded to wizarding music players, books, strange muggle gadgets like "computers", "calculators" and so on.

Their pencils looked rather smart though when compared to their quills at Hogwarts. Ink pencils with the ink inside, running out of the tip with the help of a small ball. She wondered a short while why this store didn't have a bigger entrance, almost no one were in there buying stuff. But then maybe they felt emberassed by selling muggle items.

She continued walking around there as Harry walked around in Hogwarts for the first time in three months. Most students still being in the school seemed to be on the grounds or in their Common rooms. So he had the corridors for himself, walking around in those parts where almost no one ever went.

He suddenly emerged in the entrance hall and saw the daylight from outside shining in through the door. He went out and walked around the castle to the lake and sat down by an old tree. Watching the students playing around on the other side.

The sun was hot and the wind chilly. His eyelids started feeling heavy as he sat back and closed his eyes. Feeling the grass around him, the wind blowing slowly in his hair and hearing the water slowly splashing against the shore.

It was maybe around 4 o'clock when he arrived there and just a few minutes later fell asleep.

_Harry looked around, he had already had one dream but couldn't remember what it was about. Something nice though, grass, people he loved and not a trouble in the world._

_Now he was hanging from the chains in the so familiar torture chamber he had spent a lot of time in already. Bellatrix stood before him again, grinning evily._

"_Owh, little baby-Potter was bwack agawn and scawed" she said with her taunting baby voice._

"_Give it up" Harry said, feeling bold again, anger rising. "You can't hurt me through a dream"_

_Harry wondered for a short time how Bellatrix was able to intrude him in his brain like this, he thought that was one of Voldemort's hobbies._

"_but baby-Potter, ofcourse it's not only the Dark Lord knows legilimens, most of his supporters have this knowledge, but He is stronger than anyone."_

"_Yeah, except Dumbledore" Harry said, smirking as he saw how Bellatrix got annoyed. He still didn't forgive Dumbledore but would take any moment to annoy Bellatrix._

"_I may not be able to hurt you, right now, but what about your girlfriend Harry?" she said and smirked as Harry's expression changed into surprise and fear._

"How the hell does she know about Ginny??"_ he thought._

"_I don't have a girlfriend" he said, a little too quickly._

"_Ohno? I've sneaked into your mind while you sleeps with the help of the Dark Lord Harry, seeing your dreams, your thoughts. You do know your dreams are mostly memories, thoughts and impressions gathered during the day being mixed up in your longterm memory, that way I could see what had happened to you lately, and also see your... pleasant dreams about me and the Dark Lord."_

_Harry couldn't believe it, she had taken Ginny? The thought just scared the hell out of him, losing Sirius was terrible, but losing Ginny like that, if he had just followed her to Hogsmeade then they would've been under constant surveillance and under the cover of reporters._

"_Prove it!" Harry blurted out. "Prove to me that you got her!"_

_Bellatrix just smiled and waved her hand over her eyes, suddenly Harry saw like through another person's eyes how Ginny was sitting, unconsciouss, by a broken stone wall, her hands chained to it._

"_WHY!" Harry shouted as his anger rose even more. "Why have you taken her your goddamn BITCH!"_

"_Tss, tss, language baby-Potter" Bellatrix said with a growing smile as Harry's vision returned to the torture chamber. "Or I'll have to hurt her... more"_

"_Don't you dare hurting her!" Harry screamed, knowing that it was futile._

_Bellatrix watched him struggling against the chains while he was forgetting that it was a dream._

"_Now then baby-Potter, the reason for this little charade is that you still have a chance to save your precious" Harry calmed down as he heard this. He'd do anything for not losing someone he loved again._

"_What do I have to do?" he asked with a dark but calm voice._

"_You will just have to get out of the Hogwarts grounds through the forbidden forest. Go out of the castle, straight east from the castle, after some kilometers you'll find us. Don't bring anyone else because then we WILL kill her, or worse, just come yourself and we will release her."_

_Harry watched her and understood that if Ginny really was kidnapped, then he wouldn't hesitate to do exactly as Bellatrix said, even if it meant getting kissed by a Dementor._

Harry awoke with a gasp, he was still lying by the lake. The sun was getting lower and Harry guessed that it was maybe around 7 o'clock.

He stood up quickly and started sprinting to the castle.

"_Must find Dumbledore, must find out if Ginny really is kidnapped or this is all a trick."_

Harry ran through the wet and dark grass with a red and dark blue sky above him. Stars being visible as Ginny opened her eyes, glancing up at the very same stars.

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captuniv – Yeah, it could have been, except that no one in the DA except for Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna knew about his return... hmm that are a few actually so it could have been them... anyway thanks for the review.

Lady of Masbolle – Yeah, I can guess it's easier to find a lot of metal-albums up here in northern Europe than in msot toher places on Earth. The groups I'm listening to just happen to come from Finland, Sweden, Germany and Netherlands and I live in Sweden. Anyway... recommendations... hmmm hard to recommend anything :D  
Well those songs I've quoted so far in this story are great examples but if you want names of albums I can always recommend their first album (from 1997) called "Angels Fall First", "Oceanborn" is also great, their second album. Though if you want more modern sound to it (more like Evanescence maybe) you may like their latest album, "Once" from this summer.

Enough music, more comments!

Pleione – Don't worry, more exciting situations are coming.

No more comments, more chapters.... tomorrow! :P 


	12. Chapter 12

Let me say it like this, I really like Ginny's character (I actually thought about making Luna open Harry but that didn't really fit with it at all, I needed someone more open, emotional and easier angry). And I just love Bellatrix' evilness, so open, so clean and still so dirty and evil. And now the ending excitement comes. At last I'll be able to upload these last two chapters. No more cliffies, they're going to go up tonight, you guys have waited enough.

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Harry ran through the empty corridors of Hogwarts, skidded to a halt infront of Dumbledore's gargoyle.

"Fainting Pastries" he yelled and the gorgoyle stepped aside. Knowing the password from Dumbledore talling him it.

Harry ran up the stairs and crashed into Dumbledore's office. Ron and Hermione were already inside, with Dumbledore behind his desk and in the fire was the head of Mrs Weasley. Everyone seamed intensely serious as they suddenly looked surprised up at Harry.

"Where's Ginny?!" He yelled, hoping that she was either in the Common Room, eating dinner or still at Hogsmeade.

"She's gone!" Mrs Malfoy's head yelled as she started crying heavily and her head disappeared from the fire.

Everything stopped for Harry, he just stood there and stared into space.

"_Bellatrix has really taken her..."_

"S- She- She never returned from Hogsmeade" Ron said, looking like he didn't know what do to, think or how to feel. "No one has seen her since noon..."

Harry felt how feelings of guilt rose up his spine like boiling water.

"What's the matter Harry?" Hermione suddenly asked, looking like she was going to start crying any moment now. "It looks like you've killed someone by mistake."

"_Funny that she would say that..."_

"Is there anything about Ginny you can tell us Harry" Dumbledore asked as if he could read Harry's thoughts.

"Bellatrix got her" Harry said shortly as Ron and Hermione gasped. She suddenly started crying like it was what she had expected all along.

Ron just said "Nononono".

"How do you know" Dumbledore said as he kept his calmness. But the familiar twinkle was gone from his eyes again.

Harry walked into the room as he closed the door behind himself. Preparing to tell them the dream but thought that he should probably keep some key elements away. _"They would never let me go alone to save her, to give myself freely to Voldemort, damnit I'm don't even want to go back to them, I know I'm scraed of them and of what they are capable of doing."_

"She contacted me through a dream" Harry said. "Taunted me and showed me that she had Ginny."

Ron woke from his mumbling and grabbed Harry's t-shirt, pushing him up against the wall.

"How was she?! What have they done to her!" he yelled at him.

Harry swallowed and thought about how it must have been when he disappeared, the frustration they all must have felt.

"She didn't look hurt Ron" he said. "She was unconsciouss..."

Ron realeased him as Dumbledore walked over to them.

"Mr Weasley" he said. "I need to talk to Mr Potter alone, could you escort Miss Granger back to the Gryffindor Common Room?"

Harry noticed how she was sitting on a chair with her face in her hands. Mumbling "Not again, not again".

Ron also looked over at her.

"Right" he said as he walked over to her, took her arm gently and they both walked out of the room slowly with their arms around eachother.

After the door was closed Dumbledore looked back at Harry who looked back at him.

"There is more in that dream I guess" he said.

Harry hesitated, and then decided to tell him everything about it. As he talked Dumbledore went back behind his desk and sat down, Harry took one of the chairs in front of the desk and sat down too.

When Harry had finished his tale a silence filled the room, Harry guessed that he was worrying about what Harry would decide.

"Professor?" Harry finaly broke the silence and Dumbledore looked up. "I've spent a lot of time with Bellatrix during my captivity. I can't let Ginny face that destiny and I can't let her die, not because of me..."

"I understand" Dumbledore said and surprised Harry with that answer. "I've made too many mistakes in my life, trying to control destiny and people, I can not and will not stop you from doing whatever you decide. I will not tell the Order about Bellatrix wanting you to go to her, but I will tell them about the death threat resting above Ginny's head and advice caution to everyone."

As silence again settled in the room Harry rose up and made it to the door.

"Harry" Dumbledore said as Harry placed his hand on the door knob. "Please, be catious and come back alive, if you decide to go."

Harry nodded and left. He walked aimlessly through the corridors and suddenly saw that he was outside Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. He thought back to when he left that bathroom four years ago, having Ginny with him, alive and well.

Harry finally returned to his bedroom, entered and sat down on his bed, watching the moon rising through his window. He thought back to the time he was kidnapped, admitting that he liked being back and would even face the reporters in Hogsmeade rather than going back. But he couldn't lose the feeling that it was his fault that Ginny was kidnapped and probably tortured.

If he had followed her to Hogsmeade then they'd be able to hide in the hordes of reporters, or if he had never started to like Ginny this wouldn't have happened either.

He watched the stars, wondering why he always was placed in these kinds of situations when there is so much space in the Universe, so many places he could have been born in, so many possible lifes. And yet he was there. Sitting by his window, knowing what he had to do because he would never be able to live if he didn't do it. Even though he feared what he would be facing by doing it, actually he had never been more scared in his life. Sitting there knowing that he would soon be going freely into the hands of his terrible and painful doom.

Harry slowly rose from his seat, went over to his trunk, took out his Invisibility Cloak and his old broom, the Firebolt, the first gift he ever recieved from Sirius.

"_Never again will I lose anyone close to me because of something like this. Never again."_

He opened his window which was not locked any longer, dragged the cloak over him and sat down on his broom, trying to cover it too. He floated out of the window and took up speed as he turned eastward and flew as fast as he could. Not knowing that Lupin knocked on his door a few minutes later and entered when no one opened.

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"_If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it  
Remember only the verse, songmakers cry, the one without tears  
For Ive given this its strength and it has become my only strength.  
Comforting home, mothers lap, chance for immortality  
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew  
The sweet piano writing down my life"_

"Teach me passion for I fear its gone  
Show me love, hold the lorn  
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me  
Im sorry  
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)  
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

And you... I wish I didnt feel for you anymore..." 

/From "Dead Boy's Poem" by Nightwish

----------------------

Harry flew on throughout the night, taking pauses to use the "_Point me_"-spell Hermione taught him before the third task in his fourth year to check if he had the right course. That task at the beginning of this hell.

After some hours of flying Harry finally gave up and landed. He created a small camp by sticks, leaves and used his school cloak to keep himself warm.

He woke up in the dawn after a dreamless night, drank some water from a nearby stream and took off again, feeling very hungry and worried, not to mention lonely.

"_'A few kilometers', yeah right, she's gotta be kidding with me"_ he thought.

He flew on as the sun got higher and higher and as the mountains got lower. The forbidden forest was still below him but getting thinner.

Suddenly as it was getting close to noon Harry's seeker eyes noticed something on the ground through the trees. Something metalic. He descended and found a metalic plate with something scribbled on it.

At a closer look he noticed that it was some text, it said "_Use this to find us baby-Potter_". He held the plate in his hands and wondered how he was supposed to use it to find them. Feeling like he was tricked he threw it down on the ground and kicked it into a tree. It suddenly lit up as it crashed against the tree. Harry catiously went closer to it as a beam suddenly shoot out of it. A small yellowish beam, going up to the same height as his head. Then it suddenly expanded, going through the woods like a rope. Harry understood now that Bellatrix knew how he would react when finding that plate and that the beam went to where Bellatrix was hiding.

Harry ran back to his broom, picked it up together with his Invisibility cloak and took off, flying as fast as he could through the forest. Following the beam.

He didn't need to fly for long now, before he knew it he reached a familiar looking rock wall. The same kind which he saw Ginny being chained to in his dream, it was a part of a ruin spread throughout this part of the forest

Harry stopped maybe fifty meters from one of the rock walls and hid his broom under som brushes before approaching by foot under his Invisibility Cloak.

He walked amongst the ruins for maybe five minutes, searching for Ginny and Bellatrix before he heard someone sniffing.

He hurried towards the sniffing totally forgetting about sneaking without being detected. And then he saw her, sitting by the wall, hands chained to it as in his dream, her eyes were red and there were tears on her face. She looked up towards the sound of Harry's feets.

"W-who's there?!" she asked and Harry's heart broke into thousand parts as he heard the fear in her voice. He ran over to her and sat down on his knees beside her as he pulled off the cloak.

"Ginny, it's me, I'll get you outta here, don't worry" he said. Her eyes opened in surprise as she saw how he came out of thin air beside her.

"Harry?!" she said weakly. "Get away from here, she's here somehwere."

Harry grabbed her head and watched her right into her eyes.

"I know".

Suddenly it felt like time stopped as they sat there and looked eachother into their eyes. Getting closer and closer, feeling eachother breaths on their lips. But they abruptly broke apart when a laughter surprised them. Harry recognised it and looked around, seeing Bellatrix taking off another Invisibility Cloak, holding her wand in her hand.

"_Accio_ wand" she said before Harry had time to react and then "_Accio_ Invisibility Cloak".

"Well, well, well, baby-Potter had fallen in love with his baby-Ginny after all and came to save her like a hero, what a failure, now both will go to the Dark Lord." She laughed more.

Harry stood up and took a step towards her.

"Realease her, you promised me that she'd be freed if I came freely" he said.

"Oh, I did, didn't I?" she said. "Now listen closely baby-Potter, _Crucio_"

Harry fell to the ground, screaming by the unexpected curse hitting him. When it was over he felt so exhasuted that he couldn't even rise, just looking up at her devilish grin.

"You see baby-Potter, it is I who have the wands, and you have none. I do hope the old fool in your school have taught you any math. But because you were so kind to come here, then I will let her return again, after a visit among us and our Dark Lord."

She laughed like a maniac again and kicked Harry in his stomach before sending a Cruciatus at Ginny.

Harry watched in horror as she twitched and screamed in agony. He felt helpless, it felt like it was him torturing her against his will. His anger rose with every breath, feeling a power rising in his back. He knew now that he really loved her, more than anything, he couldn't let this happen. The power went stronger, the power from his mother's protection, the power from his love for her.

He rolled around and screamed "_Impedimenta_" and felt how the power in his back shoot out through his hands at Bellatrix, making her to fly against a ruin wall behind her, crashing into it.

"_Accio_ wand" he said and saw how his wand flew into his hand. He quickly threw a glance at Ginny and noticed that she was unconciouss. Forgetting all constant vigilance Moody had taught him he hurried over to her, tried to wake her without succeeding, but she was alive.

"She didn't take kindly to being exposed to the Cruciatus curse so often" Bellatrix said from behind. "She had a tendancy to faint yesterday too baby-Potter." She laughed as Harry turned around. If sights could kill then Bellatrix' body would be mangled into oblivion. Bellatrrix herself looked rather respectful now after Harry's rather powerful wandless magic. But she still tried to maintain the advantage she had earlier by taunting him.

"You will regret ever getting close to her your bastard..." Harry said with a low threatening voice as he felt how a power flowed through his spine, out into his fingers, strengthened by the power in his wand.

Bellatrix sent another Cruciatus at Harry who quickly brought up a Protego shield around him. But Bellatrix were persistent and held the curse, trying to get through Harry's shield. Sweat ran down her confused and strained face when suddenly she dropped the curse. Harry instead felt how the power from her curse was still in his shield and he concentrated his thought and sent it out at Bellatrix who quickly went out of its way. He dropped his shield and watched her, feeling angrier than ever.

She looked back at him, surprised by his sudden power.

"Then so be it, Potter, you want a fight, then I will do what my Dark Lord failed so many years ago, kill you."

They both took up their wands, prepared to duel to the death.

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_Bleak silence  
Errors stigmatized in you  
A weak worn out friend  
There's nothing left for me  
Again and again  
Your face reminds me of a bleak future  
Despite the absence of hope  
I give you this sacrifice_

You're so far  
Behind be my hero  
Drift away  
Save yourself  
Don't end up zero  
Cause I'll look the other way 

/From "Borders and Shadings" by In Flames

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Sorry about this with the old "prince saving his princess from a wicth"-style, and sorry about yet another cliffie, and oh, two songs in one chapter, hehe felt like they fitted well. I think I'll fix the next chapter not so long after this one. So do not despair, you won't need to wait way too long for the next chapter.

Tricia-chan – Yeah, she is tough and she is a Weasley but I don't think anyone except the strongest person would be able to withstand Bellatrix for long, Dumbledore and Harry maybe.

captuniv – And ofcourse the vision wasn't fasle, I'm so evil but I kept Dumbledore in an intelligent way. I guess in a way that he fears Harry becoming a new dark lord.

Potato – Man, do I lvoe these kinds of comments, moahahahahaa.

Lady of Masbolle - "I absolutely adore this fic, the writer ::cough cough:: " hrm, I'll not comment that one. Well Harry is a bit impulsive and as you noticed he checked first. Though he took a risk by not having real proofs of her being in the hands of Bellatrix, but she was gone, where else should she be?

Discombobulatedperson – Poor guy yes, soon everything will be just fiiine, moahahahaha.

Anyway enough babbling, oh, thanks for all great reviews so far, it's like "oh I'm soon home and can check all the new reviews!!" instead of in the past when I thought "oh I'm soon home and can continue to play that new cool game". Upload time!


	13. Chapter 13

All right, chapter 12 is up, now time for chapter 13, no reviews to comment now though so you'll have to survive without that.

Oh, the reason for why I'm calling the story "Angels Fall First" comes in this chapter, there's more to it than a name of an album and a song. There's a poetic meaning too.

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Harry looked upon Bellatrix, she looked back. She still thought she was superior to Harry, he could see that in her eyes, looking at him madly. Then suddenly they both screamed one curse each and jumped out of the way. It continued like this, they threw curses at eachother, evaded the other's attacks or used magical shields.

Harry used charms he'd learned in school like _Stupefy_, _Impedimenta_, _Petrificus Totalus_ and Blasting curses.

Bellatrix on the other hand mostly threw Unforgivable curses at Harry. Mostly the Cruciatus curse. Harry was afraid that one of those would hit Ginny and circled around Bellatrix to get Ginny out of the line of fire but still keeping Bellatrix away from her.

Harry was surprised by his power and felt how it kept being strong when feeling his anger against Bellatrix, not knowing that the anger was a result of his love for Ginny, Sirius, Neville's parents even though he never knew that couple and every other life he wanted to be untouched by this evil.

Ginny herself didn't really know what happened. She was able to open her eyes very little every now and then. She tried to see what was happening but could only see two forms running around with colourful lights around them.

She remembered an enourmus happiness by seeing Harry sitting by her, then there was pain and everything went black until now. If she hadn't had such pains now from after so many Cruciatuses and if it hadn't been such a dead serious situation she'd felt silly about what a typical situation this was. She being the prisoner getting saved by the "prince".

Harry sent another Stupefy at Bellatrix and felt how his limbs felt heavier and heavier. The power along his spine, brain and out into his fingers felt like it was diminishing. She may be only a normal Death Eater, one of Voldemort's most loyal though, but she was still very persistent and hard to beat. Especially for Harry who had in the past just tried to escape from Death Eaters or Voldemort himself, but never stayed to bring one down. Being untrained as him, even for being the best student in Defence Against Dark Arts. He just kenw that this was getting harder and ahrder for him to keep his advantage.

Suddenly Harry made a wrong move and stumbled on a stone, he managed to bring up his shield with another "_Protego!_" as another Cruciatus curse flew at him. But he lost his balance by the curse hitting his shield and fell down on the ground. Dropping his wand again.

He felt so tired and was panting as he lay there, feeling aching on his back where he landed on some stones. Bellatrix was also panting he heard. He wondered for how long they've actually been fighting now, could be anything from ten minutes to one hour.

"So" Bellatrix said, and paused to catch her breath. "You are too exhausted to continue, how unfortunate _Petrificus Totalus!_"

Harry tried to get up a shield again with some of his wandless magic he's been using every now and then during the duel but was too slow. He felt all his limbs locking to his body and how he was lying stiff like a board. He was only able to move his eyes and noticed Bellatrix taking out a dagger from her robes.

"The Dark Lord tried killing you with the Killing Curse, no need to try that again, a simple dagger through your heart should be enough" she said to him. "Though it's very tempting to play with you again."

She walked over to Harry and bended down over him with the knife, putting it into his skin on his stomach and cutting open a wound. Harry tried to flinch by the pain but couldn't do anything at all, it was now he noticed that Ginny had opened her eyes again and was looking at them. She looked so scared, sad and angry at the same time.

"No, I have to control myself, I'll have plenty of time to play with baby-Ginny after you're dead" She said to herself and laughed madly while she was apparently thinking about different things to do on Ginny, and then lifted the dagger. Starting to thrust it towards Harry's heart.

"_NO! I can't die now! I can't condemn Ginny to this destiny, I have to stop Bellatrix, it's she or Ginny now!"_ Harry thought as he again felt the power rising in his spine and time seemed to be going slow. Minutes instead of seconds, the power realeased his limbs and again he screamed "_Impedimenta!_" just before the dagger penetrated his skin. Bellatrix flew away with a scream and hit one of the ruin walls, making it collapse over her.

Harry himself caught his breath and stood up wearily, walking over to the pile of rubble with his wand ready in his hand again. Is it over? Is she dead?

He noticed one of her arms sticking out of the pile of rubble, with blood flowing along it. He lifted some stones and threw away them. Finally he found her lifeless face, her eyes still glinting with madness even after her death. The dagger must have been pressed into her chest too as he saw how it sticked out of her with a strange angle.

"Harry" a weak voice said from behind and Harry turned around. Seeing Ginny still sitting there with her arms chained to the wall.

Harry hurried as much as he could with his terribly aching cheast and the aching wound on his stomach. With two quick Alohomoras Harry released her and then he fell down on his knees at her, smiling.

Ginny herself fell down on the ground. Her nose was bleeding and Harry started panicking, what if Bellatrix had tortured her into madness? He bent over her and noticed that her heart was beating and she was still breathing.

"Ginny?" he asked "Ginny? Are you there?"

She looked up at him and smiled.

"Yeah Harry" she whispered. "Thanks to you"

Harry looked down at her face, his body aching but not caring about it, he only cared about her eyes as he leaned closer with nothing stopping them this time.

Lupin had been flying for several hours now to the east with Moody, Tonks and Dumbledore on his six.

After forcing his way into Harry's room and noticing how he, his Invisibility Cloak and broom were missing Lupin hurried to Dumbledore who calmed him down, actually with some spells. He wasn't to interfer but now after the dawn they gathered to get to wherever Harry had gone to.

It was mostly Dumbledore who led the way, somehow knowing where to go and Moody used his eye to look through the trees.

"He should be over that way!" Dumbledore shouted and Lupin saw that he pointed over to the right. Moody looked there with his eye.

"I can see them!" he shouted back. "He and Miss Weasley."

Lupin saw a smile creeping up on Moody's scarred face.

"They appear to be having a good time!" he finished.

Lupin himself didn't really care and flew of in that direction at full speed.

As he looked down he saw some old ruins on the ground, and there he saw two bodies on the ground, one red haired and one black haired. His panic rose.

"_Having a good time my ass!"_ he thought, worried that they may already be dead and hurried down to them. But as he got closer he noticed that they weren't dead at all. They appeared to be kissing.

Lupin landed and walked over to them, they hadn't noticed him yet so he made a loud "Hem hem!" and smiled as he saw Harry turning around with his wand up.

He looked up at him in surprise and Lupin noticed he was bleeding from his stomach and holding one arm over his chest.

"Professor Lupin!" he said.

Harry looked alarmed up after hearing the dreaded "Hem" but felt a big relief by seeing Lupin standing over him.

"So Harry, what happened to the Death Eaters?" he asked with a big smile on his face.

Harry noticed three other people landing around them. Seeing that it was Dumbledore, Moody and Tonks..

"Uhm, there was only one, Bellatrix, and she's dead" he answered and pointed over to the rubble of stones with Balltrix' body sticking out of it. Moody was already standing there and inspecting her.

Dumbledore walked over to Lupin and put a hand on his shoulder.

"They are wounded and tired, we should take them back to Hogwarts" he said. "Harry, you think you can fly?"

"Yeah, Professor" Harry said and staggered up to stand. Dumbledore tried putting an healing charm on Harry's wound as Lupin helped Ginny to stand up.

They were soon all flying back to the castle. Harry and Ginny on his Firebolt as he insisted. Lupin and Dumbledore on their own brooms and Moody took Bellatrix' body with him.

They landed outside Hogwarts around dinner time and entered the main entrance.

Ginny and Harry were leaning against eachother as Dumbledore and Lupin tried assisting them but everyone stopped as they came into the Entrance Hall where several students were standing, trying to get away from reporters trying to question them. McGonagall was storming out of the Great Hall as Harry entered, probably to get the reporters away from the school.

Every activity halted and everyone watched the five people who had entered. Suddenly there were camera flashes everywhere as reporters hurried over to Harry.

"What happened during your time with You-Know-Who?"

"Were you really killed and resurrected from the dead?"

"Is it true that you joined the Dark side?"

"Were you really kidnapped by You-Know-Who?"

"How did you survive more than a month with You-Know-Who?"

And the questions went on, Harry saw how McGonagall pressed herself through the crowd to Dumbledore and managed to talk to him. Harry himself tried pressing himself through the crowd of reporters and curious students with Ginny in his arms. Trying to get to the stairs and to the Hospital Wing.

Behind him he heard Dumbledore booming out Calming charms with a powerful voice. And then shouting "OUT!" with an even more powerful voice.

The only obstacle now was all curious students who quickly stepped out of the way when seeing Harry's facial expression and that he and Ginny were both wounded.

As they climbed the stairs with Dumbledore, Lupin, Tonks and Moody behind them Harry noticed how Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville came running after them.

Ron and Hermione apparently wanted to hug them for coming back, but Harry wouldn't stop walking until he reached the Hospital Wing and entered.

He and Ginny were soon forced off eachother as Pomfrey put them down in one bed each. Ron, Hermione, Luna and Neville stood by the entrance and watched them worriedly. Probably not really knowing what to do. Dumbledore finally drove them out from the room with approving looks from Pomfrey. Talking to them calmly and Harry noticed how they started bombarding him with questions as the door closed.

All the time while Pomfrey worked on Ginny Harry looked over at her and she looked back. In the end they both recieved Dreamless sleep Potions.

Harry slowly opened his eyes and saw the dark ceiling of the Hospital Wing. It was night and his scar was aching softly. Voldemort probably wondered where Bellatrix had gone to. He suddenly thought back on what had happened. He had killed someone. Sure she deserved death or worse but he had still killed someone.

He looked around and saw Ginny lying on the bed to the left of him. He suddenly felt a strong urge to have someone close, to have her close to him. He felt like he had lost somekind of innocence by killing someone, whoever it was.

He had worried about this with killing someone when he heard the prophecy, now he will have killed at least two people in his life if he was to kill Voldemort too. He had to kill Voldemort otherwise everything would be lost.

He crept out of his bed, made it over to Ginny's bed slowly and quietly before noticing that she was also awake and watching him with halfopened eyes. She smiled at him and made room for him in her bed.

Without thinking Harry crept down by Ginny, looking into her eyes as she smiled at him. He failed to smile back.

"What's the matter Harry?" she whispered.

He wondered for a while how to put his feelings into words, it made no sense actually, he should be happy that Bellatrix now is gone forever.

"I don't know really, I'm happy that she's gone but feel bad for I have killed someone" he answered silently.

Her smile disappeared as she continued to look at him, being really close to eachother.

"Well, don't think about how you killed someone" she finally said. "Think about how you've saved my and probably many other life's by finally stopping her."

Harry thought about that and knew instantly that she was telling the truth. The alternative was so much worser. He just had to keep out with having a life or two on his conscience if it meant knowing that those lives had saved so many more.

Their faces got closer and closer and they both started kissing eachother slowly and when they broke off Harry felt an even stronger urge to continue to live again.

"Thank you" she suddenly said. "For saving my life again"

"And thank you for saving my life Ginny, for making me realise that I still have reasons to live."

They lay there quiet for a while, having their arms and legs around eachothers before Ginny broke the silence again.

"You know one thing Harry?"

"Mmm?"

"You are like an angel who has fallen."

Harry blushed deeply about that comment.

"An angel who was pulled down from heaven as a baby and dragged through the dirt for a long time in his life."

He was surprised that she made that likeness of him being pulled through the dirt. She could see and understand a lot more than he first thought. Or maybe was it him who had been isolated from people throughout his childhood so he didn't really understand other humans yet.

"And then you came and started pulling me up" he said to her and it was her turn to blush. They both smiled and looked at eachother before they started kissing again. Not noticing Pomfrey just entering the room to check on them. She first noticed Harry's empty bed and then the couple lying under Ginny's sheets, kissing.

She looked at them open mouthed for a moment, almost starting to scold them, but then changed her mind. _"They do look rather cute"_ she thought and silently made it out of the room to continue sleeping.

Harry opened his eyes after a nice night of sleep. It was morning again and he was still in the Infermary. As he looked around he finally remembered that he had accidently fallen asleep in Ginny's bed. She was still lying to the left of him sleeping, she was also lying on his left arm which felt a bit numb.

Even though Harry liked being so close to her he felt that he needed to get away before anyone else got into the room, but he still didn't want to wake her.

Before he had time to do anything more Dumbledore entered the room and looked at them for a moment. A huge grin crept up on his face as he walked over to them.

"Good Morning Mr Potter and Miss Weasley" he said and Ginny woke up. She looked up at Dumbledore and blushed really deeply.

"You do know that this kind of close... behaviour is actually forbidden at this school. Though with your special circumstances I am prepared to oversee this."

"Anyway Harry, I came here on behalf of Mrs and Mr Weasley who wants to thank you for saving their daughter again."

"Well, tell them that I'm happy that she saved me" Harry said and glanced at Ginny who smiled at him.

"And Professor while you're here, I think I'm prepared to go back again, to school I mean."

He looked at him surprised.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, better now than never" Harry said and suddenly felt a lot more uncertain.

"Very well, I will arrange your return with Professor McGonagall, that you will be able to get back on track with the others. And of course show you your O.W.L-results."

About some hours later, after some breakfast and lunch and last checks by Pomfrey they were able to leave the Hospital Wing. It was already soon dinner.

Harry thought about how much had to be corrected now after these last months. His grave had to be updated and that poor kid who lies there have to get a real funeral with his family. All the newspapers going around with rumours had to learn the truth and he himself had to get back a bit of his privacy again. Last time he had a bit privacy must've been during his second and third year.

Suddenly Harry's scar burned terribly again. He screamed out in agony as he fell down on his knees, Voldemort's anger pulsated around his veins.

"Harry, what is it?" Ginny yelled and grabbed him.

"He knows about Bellatrix" he answered with clenched teeths as the pain subsided and he was able to stand up.

Ginny looked worried but he just smiled at her.

"He's angry and has lost something important, that's something to be happy about" he said. Not wanting to ruin the moment.

He staggered for a few meters when they continued towards the Common Room.

As they reached the Fat Lady she as usual asked for the password, smiling at Harry. Harry himself had no idea at all what the password could be and certainly did not expect what Ginny was about to say.

"Harry lives" she said and smiled at Harry who blushed yet again.

As the Potrait swung aside and they entered, Harry noticed that most Gryffindors were there. Everyone looked up at them and then suddenly applaudes and cheers broke out.

Harry instantly felt very uncomfortable as most people rose to greet him, clap him on his shoulders or just cheer at him. Ginny instead grabbed his hand and dragged him through the crowd to Ron, Hermione and Neville who were all happy to see him back in the Common Room.

Hermione gave him a tight hug as she whispered "You did it" to him.

"Yeah" Ron said. "The newspapers got the crazier story after another. You joining You-Know-Who, you kidnapping Ginny" both Harry and Ginny blushed.

"And even saying that you killed Bellatrix"

Harry and Ginny suddenly both pailed which Ron, Hermione and Neville noticed.

"Well... In a way my actions resulted in that"

Everyone around them suddenly went dead quiet. Staring at him. Those further off tried asking those who heard about what harry just said, thus a nasty whisper started. Then suddenly Neville rose to everyone's surprise and walked over to Harry. He took Harry's hand and shook it.

"I know that you know what happaned to my parents" he said. "And I myself am at least happy that she is gone now. No matter how."

Harry stared at Neville's dead serious eyes and responded to his hand shake.

"Thanks for your support Neville" he said.

He then looked around at those around him.

"So what I've missed then?"

No one apparently felt ready to laugh by his joke about his absence as no one started laughing. Actually Harry himself felt rather stupid joking about it, but he thought now that there was no need to deny what happened to him. What other way to talk about it now when he had released much of what had happened to Ginny and felt ready to live again.

"But Harry..." Ginny said, obviously refering to how the mood in the Common Room had gone from party mode to funeral mode in less than a minute since he started talking. Instead she grabbed his shoulder and gave him a long kiss to bring up the mode again. Either wasn't she thinking or caring about the people around who started with catcalls and applauds again or his brother standing there like a fool the first seconds before his started going red.

He went to Harry, grabbed him by his T-shirt while pushing him upon the wall as both Ginny and Hermione yelled "Ron! No!".

"_Yeah, life is going back to a state of normality again. Almost anyway, memories will stay, the prophecy is still there but now at least I have a reason to complete it."_ Harry thought as Ron started yelling at him while Hermione and Ginny tried to pull him back and hold his fists from hitting him.

"You keep your bloody mouth from my sister! You hear me Harry?! You may be Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived but this is my sister!"

"_Well, he'll hopefully get used to us being together soon enough."_

THE END! On this fanfic anyway, Savvy?

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OMG! I killed her, I killed Bellatix :(  
Though she did deserve it, hehe.  
Hope you all liked it anyway, I have some ideas in my brain for more fanfics, one serious hp-fanfic, one serious and loooong Homeworld fanfic and one hp-parody, mixing hp, star trek, star wars, babylon 5, homeworld, lotr etc etc.  
Hopefully becoming something funny, but for now, I gotta study!


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